Roughing it...

The last couple of weeks have been some rough ones!  Mother's Day weekend was just awful for me(emotionally).  For starters, I hadn't realized but that Friday had been 18 years since my grandma passed away.  I was 11 but not a day goes by that I don't miss her or think of her. I couldn't believe it had already been 18 years. It feels like just yesterday.  I still remember the morning of her passing.  My Grandma was truly an Angel on earth. There is no other woman who can compare and even though it has been 18 years it still hurts that she hasn't been here to see all that has gone on in our lives.  That Friday was also Military Spouse Appreciation Day.  Thank goodness for Facebook or I would have never known.  I had talked to Jeromey on the phone on Thursday but heard nothing Friday.  I know it seems silly now, and I know he had no clue what that Friday was, but I know that part of me had been hoping he would get online and notice and say something.  Even though I know he appreciates me, sometimes its nice just to hear it.  I am pretty sure that my other Army wives can agree when I say that it doesn't always FEEL like they appreciate what we are going through.  I understand that Jeromey is going through something I could never do.  He is "surviving" this deployment just as much as I am.  Our situations and struggles are different.  I am sure any complaining would be met with "oh yeah, because you have it so rough being back home".  Yes, I may be home.  I may have family and friends around me.  That doesn't keep me from feeling so out of touch with everyone, or from feeling like I am the only person going through this experience.  Jeromey was trained for what he is going through.  I'm sure no amount of preperation compares to the real thing, but he had some training, some warning.  What did we as spouses get? Not a whole lot!  We kind of just get thrown into this experience and are expected to get through it.  And we will! I know we will. But like I said, sometimes it just feels nice to hear that they realize how much we struggle too.  I tell Jeromey all the time I'm proud of him, and how I could never do what he does.  I was just kind of hoping that on this one day I would have been able to hear those same words back from him.  I don't blame him, or hold any hard feelings.  Heck, he's a man! :)  Don't get me wrong, I am very lucky to have a husband who is wonderful about telling me how much he loves me, that I am a good mom and a good wife.  I know that I may hear those things more than a lot of other wives.  But deployment affects your rational thinking and I was bummed not to hear from him. Saturday we were able to chat for a short time.  It wasn't one of our better chats.  We both seemed to be in bad moods, which probably comes from each of us having a bad day and expecting the other to KNOW this.  Matthew had his First Communion on Saturday. I know we all took plenty of pictures so that Jeromey would be able to see.  Sunday was Mother's Day.  I was so very lucky that Matthew and Hunter's moms shared their boys with me.  We all went to lunch with Jeromey's family.  Then we went to my uncle's house to spend some time with my family and my Dad's mom who was here from Texas.  It was a gorgeous day.  Again, I didn't hear from Jeromey.  At this point, I think anytime I wasn't around people I was crying.  The last couple of days had just been adding up.  I was in a bad mood, I was emotional, and all I wanted to do was talk to my husband.  Monday he was finally online again.  Actually, I was at work and noticed I had a missed call from a number I didn't recognize.  I checked my voicemail and it was Jeromey telling me that he couldn't find his phone card but he was calling using his credit card.  He wasn't able to get it to work so he could call back so he got online.  He asked me to go buy a phone card because he just really wanted to talk to me. I think he was having as rough of a weekend as I was. I left work to buy one and sent him the phone card information online.  He called but it was very short.  I was just happy to hear from him.  I talked to him a couple of other times last week but as of right now I haven't heard from him since Friday when he emailed and called me. Wednesday I went out to dinner and forgot my phone charger.  My phone died. If you've read any of my previous blogs, you know that this is a big deal as I almost NEVER let my phone die and if it does, I have a charger with me so I can plug it in.  The first thing I did when I got home was plug my phone in.  I had a text telling me to call my mom because she was worried.  My phone hadn't even been dead an hour.  I also had a voicemail but I assumed it was my mom who had tried calling.  About a minute after plugging my phone in and turning it back on, Jeromey called!  He had tried calling twice before so I was VERY happy that I hadn't completely missed him.  Had he called when my phone first died, he wouldn't have got a hold of me.  Missing a call from my husband is the worst feeling ever.  It isn't as big of a crisis now as it was, because he always calls more than once. Chances are if I miss it once he will be calling again within a few minutes so then I just sit and stare at my phone until it rings.  This weekend I went to Minnesota for a Yellow Ribbon event.  I think the best part for me was to be able to meet some more of the Army wives, and to talk to a group of women who know EXACTLY what I'm going through.  Sometimes, with all my different emotions and all the crying and ups and downs I start to feel like maybe I'm going crazy.  Hanging out with other Army wives makes me feel normal.  Who knows, maybe we are all crazy?  :)  Some would say we would have to be, to be married to a soldier.  I know that we wouldn't have it any other way.  I was definitely in need of this trip.  I was able to get away from everything, learn some things, and meet some new friends.  We went to the Mall of America.  I had never been before.  It was a good time.  I spoiled myself some.  We got manicures and pedicures, I bought myself an awesome Yellow Ribbon necklace, and we bought some wine and Godiva chocolate covered strawberries for a relaxing evening our last night.  I enjoyed the trip but as always I was ready to be home.  Since I haven't heard from Jeromey since Friday I am really hoping that he calls or emails me today.  I can't imagine how couples managed in the old days with snail mail.  I couldn't imagine waiting by the mailbox everyday to see if I had a letter.  Its worse now, because I check my phone every 2 minutes to see if I have an email or if he's called. "Maybe if I look at my phone now it will ring".  I'm sure you can figure out how many times that has worked.

A lot to take in...

We all had a great Easter weekend.  I did realize I was having a really BAD Monday the day after Easter and I think it had to do with the fact that it was my first real holiday since Jeromey has been over seas.  On Good Friday, we all went to dinner at Applebee's.  It had been a while since we had ALL been together.  Jeromey happened to be online at that time, so I wasn't much for talking during dinner as I was too busy chatting with him on my phone through facebook.  I am always glad to chat with Jeromey and will drop just about anything to do so.  Its a little difficult to do in public sometimes though, because of the different emotions I have while chatting with him.  He may just say something that makes me miss him terribly, or we may be having a serious conversation, and my emotions want to get the better of me. I have become pretty good at keeping them under control (most of the time).  Saturday, I took Matthew and Austin with me to Burlington to attend the send of for Jeromey's original unit the 389th Engineering Company out of Middletown.  I have become close to the other wives in the FRG since last year and these are some of the people who I turn to during this difficult time.  Some of Jeromey's best friends are also in this unit still, so I really wanted to go and show our support for them.  These people are my "Army Family".  It turned out to be a beautiful day, and the attendance was quite large, so the ceremony was moved outside onto the football field.  The National Anthem never sounds the same anymore.  Many times, I get goosebumps when I hear it thinking of what it means and represents.  It is especially touching when in the presence of our troops.  I did get a little emotional, and shed some tears, but it was a not as hard as I had anticipated.  It was mostly due to the fact that all I could think was "Jeromey should be here with THESE men and women instead".  After the ceremony, we had been invited to take the boys to Fun City with some friends.  Jeromey's best friend Stuart also came along, as he had nothing better to do. I hope he had as much fun as the boys did.  I actually became more emotional (internally) being at Fun City without Jeromey than I did at the ceremony.  We have just spent so much time there together that it was strange to be there without him. Sunday we went to church with some friends, and then spent time with family for Easter.  I got to chat with Jeromey a little. He asked what we were eating.  I hate telling him, cause I feel like he's missing out.  I did hear that the Canadians are feeding them well and that they have gained a few pounds since being over, so I don't feel so guilty :)  As you are walking in to Proctor and Gamble, right by the turnstiles we have 2 newspaper stands.  One for the Press-Citizen and one for the Gazette.  That Monday after Easter as I walked in to work, splashed on the front page was the headline "Iowa Soldier Killed in Afghanistan".  Immediately my heart sank. Not a great way to start the day.  I knew that it wasn't Jeromey.  I knew it wasn't anyone in Jeromey's unit.  I knew all this, but couldn't help but feel even more worried than usual.  I was in a horrible mood all day.  That afternoon after picking Austin up from school, we headed to Iowa City.  When I miss Jeromey more than usual, I get out of the house.  Being home without him just makes it worse.  I was an emotional wreck!  After a mini breakdown, we went to dinner.  Jeromey was online this whole time so we were chatting.  Still not ready to go home after dinner, Austin and I headed out to the mall.  Another breakdown before entering.  I was just really missing him, really emotional, and REALLY wanted/needed to hear his voice.  It had been over a week since I had heard his voice.  Their phone still wasn't working.  I was getting frustrated.  I think he could tell I was having a horrible day.  Finally he said he would try something and if it worked, he would be calling me.  Well it worked!  He wasn't able to talk long at all but I finally got to hear his voice.  I just kept saying "thank you so much for calling. I really needed to hear your voice!".  My emotions did a complete 180 immediately.  I couldn't stop smiling!  It carried into the next day even.  That is the funny thing about phone calls, just one is enough to get me through a couple of rough days.  This last week we have been chatting pretty regularly, so it has been a lot better than the last week.  I think it was last Tuesday he had finally received all three of the other boxes I had mailed to him, along with a box from his sister.  It made my day to know he finally got all the goodies I had sent!  I asked what his favorite thing was and he said "everything".  So I made him pick just one thing and he said the pictures.  His only complaint, I didn't send pictures of the dog!  This past weekend was another busy weekend, but a lot of fun. 
Last night I was sitting at home doing some stuff before bed.  Austin was already asleep and I was getting some things done before turning in myself.  I was getting ready to get in bed and decided to check my facebook (which I had just checked 20 minutes prior).  I was very surprised at seeing almost everybody had a status proclaiming that Osama Bin Laden was dead.  My initial reaction was disbelief.  After all this time, and all the talk of him hiding out in caves I really thought he would just die of old age before he was found.  Not because I didn't believe in the capability of our troops but because he seemed to be some sort of Hide and Seek champion :)  But seriously, I was most certainly not expecting to hear that news at that time. It came out of no where.  I think after the surprise wore off, I immediately began to feel dread.  What does his death mean?  Is his death going to rally his followers to retaliate?  What are the repercussions of this?  If Jeromey wasn't over in Afghanistan I am pretty sure that I wouldn't have been so quick to think of these things.  I think I would have just thought that finally they had found someone who had been elusive for so long.  Now, all I could think was how this would affect my husband and our family.  I was very glad that shortly after Jeromey got online.  I knew deep down he was not in immediate danger but after the news of Bin Laden's death I just really wanted to hear from him.  I am definitely worried that this will bring extra "action" over there.  I hope and pray that I am not right.  I will continue to hope that each day is just as "boring" as the day before for Jeromey and the rest of our troops.  I read on facebook somewhere that "the most important part of Obama's speech was 'No Americans were hurt during this mission' " and I couldn't agree more.  At the very least, no more lives were lost to capture the man at the top of the FBI's most wanted list.  I have seen a varied mix of emotions on facebook about what has happened.  I personally have my own opinions and thoughts, but will keep most of them to myself.  Everyone is so quick to judge others for what they are feeling or thinking or saying.  Some people aren't American for what the feel, some people are just stupid Americans with no concience for what they feel.  All I want to say is this, your feelings are YOURS.  Whatever they may be, whether they are shared by many or none.  You have a right to be happy, angry, sad, scared, excited, proud, any or all of the above.  It doesn't make you wrong, and just because someone isn't feeling the same, it doesnt' make them wrong either.  We all have different things that are important to us, and different life experiences that define us and will dictate how we react emotionally to a situation.  So if you read a status that states an opinion different from your own, remember that that opinion more likely than not does not directly affect you.  May God bless our troops and bring them home safe.  I pray for Him to watch over each and every soldier that is deployed and away from loved ones.

Finally!

Well I finally heard from Jeromey yesterday.  Their communication tower was knocked out so he couldn't get online and as of right now he still can't call.  After dropping Austin off yesterday morning, I went home and was going to take a little nap.  I fell asleep and was woke up to the sound of my phone ringing.  I must have been dreaming about Jeromey when it rang.  I remember hearing it ring and thinking "Thats Jeromey's ringtone!".  I even had a big old smile on my face as I scrambled for my phone.  It took me a few seconds to become completely alert.  I looked at my phone and realized first of all that it wasn't Jeromey calling, and second of all that it was definitely not his ringtone.  :(  I was slightly disappointed.  Especially because it wasn't anybody I knew.  After that, I was awake and decided to start getting ready for the day.  I saw my mother in law had commented on my blog saying we were sharing the same feelings about this lack of communication.  We must REALLY think alike, because just after I had told work I wasn't going to be coming in early because I planned on inviting my mother in law out to lunch, she text me asking me what I was doing for lunch!  We had lunch and talked about Jeromey the whole time :)  Talked about how we were trying not to worry but couldn't really help it and how the waiting was driving us crazy.  I think we both needed that.  I headed in to work, and had decided I wasn't going to expect to hear from Jeromey.  I didn't want to get my hopes up.  Low and behold, I check my facebook just after two and he had poked me.  I sent him a chat message "OMG".  I was SO happy to hear from him.  He apologized even though I told him I understood.  I can just tell my mood has improved 110%. I woke up again today from a message from him and although I was disappointed he didn't have someone call and wake me at 4am our time when he was on, it still made my day.  He did say it was 115 degrees there yesterday. Yuck!  And they work with all that gear on. I hope they are all staying hydrated and as cool as possible. I'm looking forward to this weekend.  I will have all of the boys for supper with Jeromey's family tomorrow night.  Saturday I am headed to Burlington for the deployment ceremony for Jeromey's unit, the 389th.  They are deploying to Iraq.  Some of Jeromey's best friends are deploying and I am honored to be there to see them off.  Although I think it is going to be a little emotional for me!  I wouldn't miss it.  Sunday is Easter and I am really excited to spend it with some great friends in the morning and family in the afternoon.  Keep praying for our troops and thank you all so much for your words of encouragement during my panic attack :)

Sleeping with the telephone (Lyrics)

Waiting by the phone...

I remember when I was going to college and living at home, I never had a curfew but I had one rule.  I had to call by noon the next day or my mom would start looking for me.  By looking for me, she meant calling the police and hospitals to make sure I was okay.  This was back when not everyone carried cell phones; actually hardly anyone I knew really carried one.  Growing up with my mom who always assumed the worst when I didn’t answer my phone or call when I was supposed to, I knew that she wasn’t bluffing when she would begin making those phone calls at 12:01.  With this being said, I think I have inherited my mom’s paranoia and imagination for worst case scenario.  When Jeromey first arrived in Afghanistan I wasn’t expecting frequent phone calls or regular communication.  So when I went three days without hearing from him, I wasn’t panicking.  I was a little worried, and of course missing his voice, but I wasn’t EXPECTING a call.  For the last couple of weeks, Jeromey’s communication has been pretty steady.  He has even told me that his plan was to get in touch every other day.  I have described before how attached I am to my phone since he has been gone.  I carry it with me everywhere; I take a phone charger with me everywhere. Because God forbid my phone should die.  What if he tries calling?!?  I talked to Jeromey on Saturday.  He was feeling better, after having been sick the day before.  I was at a bridal shower for one of my friends I’ve known for what seems like forever!  I didn’t even hesitate when I saw it was him calling.  I got up and left the room.  My friends are used to this and lucky for me, very understanding.  Because it was so late for him, we were actually able to talk for quite a while.  I know he had said that communication was going in and out.   Jeromey should have called yesterday.  His calls usually come between 1-3pm our time which is 10:30-1:30am his time.  I started checking my phone around 1pm, so see if he had sent me a message or poked me on Facebook like he always does so I know he is online.  Nothing.  I had to be in to work at 2pm.  The last time I was on 2^nd shift, it seemed Jeromey would get online right at 2 when I was starting my shift.  I was expecting the same yesterday.  By 2:15 I was looking at my phone every few minutes.  By 3 pm I was staring at it.  My stomach felt as if I had a big lead ball sitting in it.  I keep telling myself my mantra which I learned from another wife. “No news is good news, no news is good news, no news is good news”.  Meaning if I am not hearing ANY news, then that is a good thing versus hearing bad news.  I text my friend Andrea last night and told her the situation and how I was feeling.  She assured me that everything was ok.  “His communication tower could be down, or he could have had to go on an impromptu mission”.  These were the same things I’d been telling myself.  They were only slightly more convincing coming from her.  It did help to hear her say that she knew the feeling.  I know if he could call or get online he would.  I also know that I need to just relax and no amount of worrying is going to make him available any sooner.  Deep down, I know he is ok.  He has to be.  I have just been ingrained with this sense of doom and fear that those I love the most are always in danger and if I don’t hear from them, it must mean something horrible has happened.  I am sure any of the mothers reading this know exactly what I’m talking about.  Today, I was so anxious for time to go by, thinking for sure that he would call or get online.  He would sheepishly apologize for not being able to get in touch yesterday and I would feel that sense of relief seeing his name come up on my phone.  It is now 4:30pm.  That makes it  around 2am Wednesday morning his time.  I am guessing that means no phone call today again.  That will make 3 days since I’ve talked to him. I think that is the longest we have gone so far.  I can’t explain the feeling of having your husband be somewhere, knowing he is in harms way, expecting a call from him, and it doesn’t come.  I am sure my mom can somewhat relate.  But I can’t call the police or local hospitals to make sure he is ok.  All I can do is sit and wait. And think.  And worry.  I’m not going to lie, I am pretty sick to my stomach right now.  I didn’t know if I was going to share this particular experience or not.  I don’t really talk to a lot of people about what I feel going through this sometimes.  Not because I don’t have amazing friends and family.  It is just hard to talk to someone about something when they have no idea what you are going through.  A couple of weeks back I was talking to a mother of a soldier who is also currently in Afghanistan.  He is a classmate of my sister’s.  It was nice to be able to talk to her about my worries and the different emotions we have gone through.  But I also realized, even our experiences were completely different.  Our emotions, although similar, are different.  It is hard to try and explain things to people.  You get sick of hearing “I can’t imagine what you are going through”.  You know the saying misery loves company?  You want someone who is just as miserable as you are to listen. Because they know what to say, or when not to say anything at all.  Just hearing “I know what you mean”, and knowing that “Hey, they really DO know what I mean” is a comfort in itself.  So for me, sharing this publicly without having to TALK to someone, or LISTEN to someone TRY and comfort me when they really can’t is a comfort.  Don’t get me wrong, to my friends and family that have been there for me during this.  You have made this experience so far bearable.  I am not diminishing your support in any way, or saying I don’t appreciate it.  I am not saying that you haven’t been able to make me feel better.  Because I could never thank you enough for just being there.  Please don’t stop asking how I am doing or asking questions.  Most of this is just frustration with this whole situation and sometimes it leaves me feeling so alone.  I am praying for Jeromey’s safety.  I am praying he is able to call or get online soon.  I am going crazy here.  Please God, fix whatever is keeping him from getting in touch.  About a month ago, he told me he sent me a letter.  My mailbox has been broke (until yesterday THANK YOU Ann for lending me your fiancé Shawn to fix that) for a while, so I have been picking up my mail about once a week at the post office.  I went this morning, sure that at the very least his letter would have arrived by now.  That wasn’t there either.  Now that my mailbox is fixed, I already picture myself walking down the driveway everyday, standing at the road waiting for cars to pass, walking over and opening the mailbox, and there is nothing in it.  My mood is definitely matching the weather today.  I am trying to keep my sanity.  On the inside I feel as if I am on the verge of becoming hysterical.  I did see from another wife that her husband does not have phone or internet access for a while.  I’m sure that is the same case for Jeromey and I will just have to wait.  Not patiently, but I will wait.  Keep Jeromey and his unit in your prayers.  Oh, I almost forgot, he did think they were going to be getting moved within the next couple of weeks so he has told us not to send anymore packages until he gets his next address.  I will be sure to let you know if I hear from him!

Dear MORON in Florida, thanks a lot

I got to talk to Jeromey more this last week than in the previous weeks.  Of course it is never enough but it truly is great to hear his voice.  He has been busy busy busy.  He has still not received ANY mail that has been sent to him.  As of right now, I doubt he will get anything before his birthday which is Friday.  Thanks to the moron in Florida who decided to burn the Quran, there has been protests and violence in Afghanistan.  For this reason, there are certain security measures in place that I believe will prevent any mail from being delivered to Jeromey anytime soon.  I hope that changes before Friday, but we will have to wait and see.  He has been able to get on Facebook a couple of times so we have had the chance to chat online.  He did say there was no skype on the computer and I wasn't sure if he could download it since it wasn't his computer.  It would be nice to be able to actually SEE him but I think I might have to wait a while for that.  I think of Jeromey everyday, but there are things that make me miss him a little extra.  The other day, I had Austin and Hunter and they were talking about age and birthdays.  Austin asked how old dad was and I said "He'll be turning 31 soon".  I realized that Jeromey's birthday was only six days away.  It made me really sad because I realized he has no one to celebrate his birthday with.  :(  I mean, he has fellow soldiers, and I'm sure they have established friendships.  How do they know when his birthday is?  He did tell me that he's been asked but he isn't telling.  Why not?  I asked him to PLEASE tell them, for me.  If there is the slightest chance that they will make that day a little special for him, then I want them to know when it is!  Unfortunetly I don't know anyone he is with or I would tell him myself.  All of the soldiers I know that went over with him are at different locations.  I also thought of him last night as the storm started.  Jeromey LOVES a good storm.  The worse the weather the happier he is.  I'm sure he is really missing the rain where he is.  He really isn't needing much over there right now, but his mom and I agreed that we need to start sending stuff he will need in case he doesn't have the opportunity to buy it when he is out.  He mentioned that the truck that comes with supplies showed up with basically tobacco and baby wipes.  So he didn't really have an opportunity to buy anything else.  I don't have much else to update on Jeromey.  A lot of the same in our phone calls.  Just trying to make them count and hating to say goodbye at the end.

Wonderful weekend

I do have to say that I had a great weekend and it was much needed.  To start, I was able to get off of work early on Friday evening and had supper with my dad and sisters.  I really do loathe working 2nd shift( because of the lack of family time I have those weeks), and was happy to actually spend some time with Austin Friday evening.  After supper we went to Wal-Mart to get a couple of things, then we came home and went to bed.  Saturday morning was a pretty lazy morning. I spent most of it reading Stephen King's "Under the Dome".  I was hooked! I couldn't put the darn thing down.  Then I finally started getting ready for a lunch with group of former co-workers from La Petite.  I have never worked somewhere before where I have met such wonderful and lifelong friends.  Just as I was getting ready to leave my house, I saw Jeromey was online!  I was so excited, and lucky for me my Facebook app on my phone allows me to chat with him without having to be on a computer.  More often than not, the chat on my phone doesn't work.  I'm so glad this was not one of those times.  As my friend Alex drove us to Iowa City, I spent the ride chatting with Jeromey.  Normally his time on the computer is very limited but he said no one else was waiting to get on so we were able to chat for a while.  We dropped Austin off at my sister's apartment, so she could take Austin to a movie while I had some "girl" time.  Alex and I arrived at The Atlas (where we were having lunch) a little early and decided to have a couple of drinks while we waited for everyone else to arrive.  It was nice to just sit, have some adult conversation, and relax.  All while still chatting with Jeromey.  Because of the time difference, it was pretty late for him and he was tired.  He has been working 12-16 hour days!  Poor guy.  At least he is being kept busy, so I hope that helps the time pass quickly for him.  Although I think his days all blur together because he didn't realize it was Saturday, he asked if I was working.  After he was done on the computer he called and it was great to hear his voice.  It is hard to explain the feeling of having a spouse, but only being able to talk to them every so often and for limited periods of time.  Before this deployment, Jeromey was just always there, and always available.  Even at work, we would talk on my breaks, and text each other constantly.  So we became so accustomed to just always having one another.  Now, when I want to pick up the phone and call, which I can't, or send him a text I have resorted to sending him Facebook messages.  I post on his wall daily. It makes me feel better even though it is not the same because I don't get a response.  I guess for me, these phone calls are what makes this bearable and keep me going.  He calls when he can, and we try to fit everything thats been happening into a phone call.  Of course I never remember everything, and he can't tell me ANYTHING it seems.  But we definitely have more than enough to talk about before time runs out. I know this post probably sounds so much like the others, "there is never enough time".  I am hoping that someday soon he will have the chance to Skype, because I would love to actually get to see him.  I am not holding my breath on that one though because it will probably be a while.  I have to just live by the motto my friend Andrea told me, "Hope for the best, but expect the worse".  She means in regards to how often we communicate and basically if I don't expect him to call for a week or two, then I won't be disappointed when I hear from him sooner than that.  I'm getting better at this, but it is so hard to not be a little disappointed each day I don't hear from him.  I do have to admit though, when he called earlier this week, my mood improved by ten fold and my spirits were lifted for days.  We talked for a while, I let Alex know what I wanted so she could order for me while I talked to Jeromey on the phone.  He seems to be in pretty good spirits and that makes me happy to know that.  Even thought there are a lot of things he can't tell me, he tries his best to give me an idea of whats going on but about all I know is they are building buildings over there.  I already knew that was basically what they would be doing over there so this isn't news.  Sometimes it's a little tricky because he will open up as much as he can, but its not something I really want to hear.  I am constantly worried about him as it is.  I don't want to discourage him from talking to me about stuff and opening up to me, because I am his wife and I am here to support him.  Same as he is my husband and is my support. Just because he is deployed, our relationship hasn't changed.  I need him to be there and listen to me just as much as he needs me to listen and be there for him.  Who else, if not his wife, can he confide in?  I confide in him more than any other person, and there are things that I tell Jeromey that I would never tell anyone else.  So while we always try to keep our conversation pleasant, there are times he brings things up I just really don't want to think about.  I just say "honey, right now that is not what I want to hear or talk about".  I read online that some couples keep journals, and when the journal is full, they mail it to the other spouse.  Maybe this would be a better place for him to talk to me about things I don't want to hear and same with me.  This way, if there is something stressful at home that happens, I don't have to spend our limited phone time talking about it, but I will still feel better writing about it and sharing it with him when its over and better.  I asked how he was eating, he said that the base he is on is not an American base, but the people who run it have been cooking for him.  I guess the other night they had steak!  I was sure he was pulling my leg, but he promised he wasn't....
He promised to call again as soon as he could, which is never soon enough if you ask me!  Of course there is not day or time for me to expect his call so I will continue to have my phone with me at all times.  After our conversation I went back to lunch with my friends. It really was some much needed girl time and I can't wait to do it again.  Last night Austin and I went to a wedding reception.  It was a lot of fun, and we even danced a little. If you know Austin, you know he loves to dance so he was out on the dance floor before I was!  It is always a great feeling to be surrounded by friends and family and we had a good time.  Today, I did a whole lot of nothing.  I think maybe I had too much fun at the wedding reception?  :)  I did finish my Stephen King book and am trying to decide what to ready next.  Keep praying for the men and women who leave behind the comfort of home to do something so selfless!

Funny how a phone call can make my day!

  Yesterday I was having a really tough time.  Just really missing talking to Jeromey.  I know I'm not the only one missing him during his deployment, but sometimes I feel so alone.  I know I have family and friends for help and support through this, and you have all been wonderful!  But there is no one that can give me the pick me up on a bad day quite like Jeromey.  Those of you who have a spouse or significant other, you know what I mean.  No one gets you quite like they do, and no ones voice can make your day like their's can.  So while yes I have friends and family to call when I'm stressed or just down, it doesn't do the job.  Sometimes I just really need to hear from Jeromey.  Even if our time on the phone is limited, I take any second I can get!  With this being said, yesterday I was missing him and missing talking to him A LOT.  I received a phone call from Jeromey today.  The first one came this morning as I was on my way to get Austin ready for school.  It came from his cell phone he purchased over there.  The thing about these cell phones is he has no service where he is.  So he will find a spot with a little service but the quality of the call is crap, and usually the call is cut off pretty quickly.  This morning was no exception.The call this morning was a pleasant surprise, but the 1 minute and 29 seconds was not long enough at all.  Especially because his voice was distorted for 1/2 the call, and as I was saying "I can't understand you" he was trying to repeat what he was saying and all I heard was Charlie Brown's teacher saying "Wah Wah, Wah Wah Wah Wah".  Then a beep, and just like that we were disconnected.  Its such a disappointing feeling to want nothing more than to talk to my husband, get him on the line, and not hear a word he said only to be cut off not knowing when he will call again.  It definitely left me feeling sorry for myself.  I got Austin ready for school, dropped him off, and went home.  I had already planned on taking a nap after dropping Austin off, and with the mood I was in and the weather, I didn't feel like doing anything else.  I grabbed Jeromey's tshirt that still smells like him, curled up in bed and dozed off.  I woke up still feeling crabby and down.  I got ready for work, and headed up to Iowa City to run some errands.  Right before I got to the bank my phone rang, and sure enough I look and see its Jeromey calling.  I was so excited!  But this stupid touch screen phone, it didn't want to answer.  I started to panic thinking I was going to miss his call and I didnt know what to do but at the last second it finally did what I wanted it to and answered.  Finally!  A clearer connection and I could hear and understand him.  I'm kind of a crybaby, and once again my eyes filled with tears, just so happy to be able to talk to him and know we had at least a few minutes.  Most of the time our phone calls don't have a lot to them other than "I love you, I miss you" several times (of course you can never say it enough) and "how is everything", "good, you?", "good".  I try to think of anything important I have been wanting to tell him or ask him.  I would write stuff down, but if you know me, you know that the list would probably not be where I thought I left it, and by the time I found it our time on the phone would be up.  We did get disconnected after a few minutes and he had to call me back.  I didn't get too upset because I know that he can usually call back from the satellite phone, but I always hate to get my hopes up in case for some reason he can't call back.  We talked some more and he said I wouldn't be hearing from him for a couple days or up to a week.  I told him he should probably call his mom then, so he let me go so he could do that, and then he called back one last time.  He didn't have much time left at this point because of course he isn't the only one there who wants to call somebody and there were others waiting to use the phone.  So we said our goodbyes and hung up.  It did turn my mood around to hear from him.  It will tide me over for a day or two.  Then I will start to wonder when the next phone call will come again...but until then I will just try my best to hang in there!  My friend Emily gave me a magnet for my birthday that says "When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and swing"  So here I am swinging.  I'm sure in the days/weeks/months to come I will continue to find a little extra rope there at the end that I didn't realize I had...

Jeromey update...

Jeromey is now in Afghanistan.  The days have all started to run together. I don't remember which day he was where because the phone calls have been short and mainly to say "Ok, I'm leaving here now and going to some other place".  I don't know where in Afghanistan he is, because he can't say. All I know is he is somewhere with no internet access.  I believe they went to this place Tuesday night/Wednesday morning our time.  Where as the week before we were able to chat almost daily on Facebook, and I was getting more regular phone calls, this week has been an adjustment week.  I have had to get used to not hearing anything for days.  It has been tough and today I finally got a call.  I immediately began crying at the sound of his voice.  Jeromey is my best friend and as I have thought about it, I can't think of a time where we haven't talked for more than one day as long as we have been together. Its hard to not be able to call whenever I just want to talk, or if I just need a pick me up.  He's great at that. I did know that he had made it to his final duty station for the time being because he called to tell me on Wednesday.  The cell phones that some of the soldiers bought over there don't get service where he is, so he has to call from a satellite phone.  From the sounds of it, this one phone is used by all of them.  When he called Wednesday he told me he only had 5 minutes.  We went a little over that, but he let me go so he could call his mom quick and then hand the phone off to the next person waiting to use it.  Today when he called, we again had a short amount of time.  He said he is doing well and he is somewhere safe.  He told me the "base" they are on is run by Canadians. I'm sure he'll come back saying things like "Don't ya know" and "Yah"  Lol.  Like I said, the sound of his voice on the other end of that line is such a comfort.  The past 3 days I have had my phone clutched in my hand almost all the time for fear of missing a phone call.  Wednesday night around 12:30 my cell phone did ring with one of the numbers that comes up when Jeromey calls.  Unfortunetly all I got was 15 seconds of noise, and then it was disconnected.  There was no call back.  This left me staring at my phone, willing it to ring.  No such luck.  He had warned me not to expect a call for a couple weeks, but I was holding out hope that he was over exaggerating and he would be able to call before that.  I think its easier to expect to go two weeks with no word, and be pleasantly surprised by a phone call. But it is so very hard to just not know when to expect to hear anything.  I am hoping to get snail mail, but I know he doesn't like to write.  With no internet I don't think he will be able to personally update everyone, so I will try and keep you all up to speed via this blog or email.  He said that he will probably be without internet connection most of his deployment.  At least they are keeping him busy.  He got some new boots and said they are the most comfortable boots he's ever worn.  He said they are like wearing tennis shoes.  I can't believe it took the army this long to develop comfortable boots for the soldiers to wear!  I sent a package this last week.  I can't wait for him to receive it!  I plan on sending another one this week.  Since he hasn't been good at giving ideas, and since I'm new to this I have just been googling "care packages" for ideas on what to send.  For those of you who would like to send Jeromey a letter or a package his mailing address is:
Ford, Jeromey
322 EN CO
APO AE 09355


The post office has free flat rate shipping boxes for military packages.  It was $12.95 to send it over.  I also asked about postage for sending letters and they said its the same as mailing it somewhere in the U.S.  Jeromey informed me today he doesn't have to use stamps when he sends his mail.
I have been trying to adjust to this lack of communication, and just life with Jeromey temporarily gone.  Austin had spring break this week, so I had to take time off work as I had no one to watch him, especially with me going in at 6am.  I wouldn't have had time to drive him anywhere but my dad's house. Wednesday, we enjoyed some quality time. We spent almost the entire day in Iowa City/Coralville.  By the time we got home that evening, I was feeling really antsy.  I just wanted to go somewhere/do something.  At first, I attributed this to spring fever.  The more I thought about it, I realized I was just lonely.  Sure I had Austin for company, but it just isn't the same.  My mom was already planning on coming to Iowa on Saturday, but I just couldn't wait so I decided to go visit her.  Austin and I left Thursday morning.  It was just nice to not be home in that big house just the two of us.  I was so happy to see my mom.  It hasn't been easy going through something like this with her not around!  It was just what I needed.  Today we drove back to Iowa.  I picked up Matthew and Hunter and we spent the evening at my Aunt Elsa's just relaxing and hanging out with my mom and Paul.  I hope this next week goes a little smoother.
I think this is all I have to share for now, I can't think of/remember anything else we may have talked about.  Again all I ask is that Jeromey and his fellow soldiers continue to be in your prayers.

Don't You Wanna Stay - Jason Aldean (ft. Kelly Clarkson)

Our song, the lyrics seemed so appropriate. If only he could have stayed...

Time machine anyone?

Where has the time gone?  I guess I'll go back a little and talk about Jeromey's 4 day pass. His unit was granted a 4 day pass to spend with their families before they leave country.  We had decided that we didn't want to spend the limited time driving Jeromey home and back so we went to the Wisconsin Dells.  Friday morning Jeromey's mom, Hunter, and I left to go pick him up.  We were all excited to get there, and we couldn't arrive soon enough!  We picked him up and I think we packed Mom's(Nancy) car as full as it would get!  It was about an hour drive to the hotel.  We got there and as soon as Jeromey took a shower, he passed out. I think they've been working him extra hard.  I know he had been doing a lot of training and it was late nights and early mornings the whole time he was there.  My phone calls usually came at midnight if not later.  He didn't sleep long though, because Hunter REALLY wanted to go swimming.  We had supper and waited for Dad(Jerry) and Matthew and Austin to get there, then we all went and sat in the pool and hot tub.  It was so nice to be together, and just sit and relax!  We didn't stay too long though, because we had all had a long day and we were ready for bed.  Of course, the next morning the boys were ready for swimming again first thing after breakfast.  Basically the whole 4 days we spent in the water and I'm surprised the 3 boys didn't grow gills.  We went to lunch at Famous Daves. I've never been before, but it was delicious.  We decided to go bowling, and everyone had fun.  The next day we were able to head to the Glacier Canyon resort where Jeromey's parents had booked a 3 bedroom suite. It was beautiful and we were so very thankful to his parents.  Of course, once we checked in the boys wasted no time getting into their swim trunks.  We walked to the closes water park through the skywalk and the boys were off and playing.  Hunter wasn't too excited about the big bucket of water that would fill up and dump over, so he was hesistant about playing on the kids play area.  The two big boys had no fear and they were off having a blast. We took Hunter on the lazy river, and he didn't mind it but he was shivering so we took him to the smaller kids pool and that water was warm. He enjoyed that much better. Jeromey and Jerry took Matthew and Austin onto the slide called the Hurricane.  I'm glad they were there because I sure as heck wasn't going on that!  They had fun and we finally decided to head back to the room for some supper.  We checked out a movie from the front desk, ate supper, and relaxed some more.  The next day we went to the 2nd waterpark called The Wild Water Dome.  It was nice because it has a glass ceiling for "indoor tanning" and the sun was shining that day.  It was warm and with the sun, felt just like you were at a beach.  This waterpark's main attraction was the wave pool.  It was big and we jumped right in after we found a table.  It was kind of crazy in there though because they have all these tubes, and if you aren't on a tube, other people's tubes were crashing into you and pushing you around.  There was also a waterslide that was more my style.  It was a family waterslide so you would go down on a tube for four. Again, Matt and Austin were all about it, but Hunter wasn't as sure.  We finally talked him into going down and the first thing he says at the end is "Yeehaw ride em cowboy".  I'm sure you get that he loved it!  Of course that meant a couple of more trips down the slide with dad and the boys.  I do have to mention, I know that all 3 boys missed Jeromey, as we all did.  But it was very noticeable with Hunter.  He wanted Dad to help him with everything, to sit by him, to ride in the same car as him, just be around him.  That is one of the hardest things with all of this is knowing how much the kids are going to miss him. Jeromey was only gone for 40 days before we got to see him again, so I'm not sure how he will handle going longer!  We came back for a late lunch/early supper and then decided to go to the 3rd waterpark.  Like I said before, I am surprised the boys hadn't grown gills at this point with as much as they were in the water.  Our plan for Jeromey's last day with us until his R&R we decided we would go to one more waterpark, then out to lunch before coming back and packing up.  That whole day was so bittersweet.  We had the inevitable goodbye looming over us all day. The worst was after lunch when we came back to the hotel for Jeromey to pack and start putting his uniform on.  I had a hard time keeping it together and at the end, I didn't.  We played one of our favorite songs, and slow danced in our room. Very wonderful and sad at the same time.  Neither one of us was ready for a 2nd goodbye and the four days felt as if they had flown and left us wanting more time.  I'm sure no amount of time would have been sufficient though.  We drove Jeromey back to the base and headed back to the hotel. Everyone went to bed when we got back.  I think I stayed up and watched tv for a while.  The next day we packed up and headed home.  We found out the next day that he would be leaving the country on Sunday.  So another four days that would fly by.  We were still able to talk daily, and that was great but Sunday was here before I knew it.  He called several times throughout the day and we tried to talk as much as we could knowing that we were uncertain of how long it would be until we talked again. I think they left on the bus about 9 or so that night.  We talked for some of the bus ride.  He called again from outside the airport or hangar or whatever, and again while waiting on the plane.  I think the last phone call came at 2am!  That was when they finally took off.  It was awful, I cried myself to sleep, and was sad.  On Monday I received a message that he had made it to his layover but the calling card he had was not working so he wasn't able to call home.  I didn't expect to hear from him again but was pleasantly surprised when I got a phone call at 2:45am this morning.  There is no better phone call to wake up to!  I was so excited to hear his voice and talk to him.  He only had 15 minutes to talk and I couldn't believe when it had already been 15 minutes!  In the middle of our conversation I accidentally hung up on him :(  I began to panic because I didn't know if he would be able to call again.  I sat there staring at my phone, willing it to ring.  I was praying "Please God let him call back" over and over.  Next thing I know, without my phone even ringing I had a voicemail.  I REALLY started to freak out then because I knew it was from him and I was sure he was going to tell me that his chances to call were up and that I would have to wait until his next available time.  I didn't want to check my voicemail for fear he might try calling and again wouldn't be able to get through, but I had to know if he was going to try again or not.  I checked my voicemail and to my relief it was him saying he would try back in a few minutes.  He called back and we were able to talk for a few more minutes.  It was afternoon time there and although he hadn't slept much on the flights, he was trying to stay awake so he could go to sleep at night time and try to get into the schedule there.  We hung up and I was so excited to have heard from him that I stayed up until almost 4am.  That made for a long day today!  I am still tired and plan on going to bed ASAP when I get home.  He had promised he would try to call before bed, which would be morning time here.  He called before 8am and we talked again for 15 minutes, this time getting cut off.  The phone line beeped, we tried to hurry and say quick goodbyes, and then we were cut off.  I happened to be at my dad's and I got message from him saying he was online on facebook so I got online and we were able to chat for a little bit.  His computer time is limited to 30 minutes, so once again we were watching the clock.  Man, I know I said I wanted this year to fly by but not in small 15 to 30 minute increments!  I told him to try and get online again if he couldn't call when he woke up.  That would be evening time for us, and Wednesday morning for him.  So here I sit, waiting to hear from him.  Is he going to call?  Is he going to get online?  Is he not able to do either?  If not how long will it be?  Ugh, this is making me crazy!  I will be thankful in the future once he is settled and has more of a schedule and an idea of when he'll be able to call and get online.  We plan on skyping if/when he's able.  I am putting together my first care package to send over.  Its hard trying to find stuff to send to show how much he's missed and how much you love him.  I am sending peanut butter girl scout cookies, some pictures, and some other things. Heres to hoping I find a time machine to either make this year fly by, or go back in time before he ever left! 

Mixed emotions...

Its been a couple weeks since I've written anything. I had all three boys for a weekend and I really enjoyed my time with them! I picked Hunter up on Friday because I had that week off. We surprised Grandma Ford at her office and went to lunch with her. That Saturday we had lunch with Grandma and Grandpa Ford then went to a movie, one of our favorite things to do. Sunday, Austin had a wrestling tournament in West Liberty. Lately his confidence has been pretty low and he was extremely nervous. He didn't want to wrestle. I told him that if he didn't want to wrestle again after that day, that was ok with me, but because he had already said he would and we had made the commitment so I was going to make him wrestle. His first match he was winning by quite a few points, then the other kid reversed him and caught him in a tight hold and nearly pinned him! Luckily time for that period was almost up. I was praying that he would not get pinned because I KNEW that would have been the end of it! He came back and pinned that kid and his next opponent. Just the confidence boost he needed! His third match he got pinned, but he was okay with that because he knows that kid has a lot more experience than him. So it was a great and much needed weekend spent with family. Both Valentine's Day and my birthday passed in the same week. I will admit even though Jeromey and I don't do anything too big to celebrate Valentines Day, it was tough with him not here. We talked on the phone, text each other, but that wasn't the same. He was definitely missed! Jeromey's aunt Janyce had a wonderful idea of a "card shower" to show Jeromey how much he is loved on Valentine's Day. To all my friends and family who sent Jeromey a Valentine, I can tell you he truly appreciated them! Thanks Aunt Janyce! My birthday was ok. Again, not the same without him, but thanks to Facebook I felt the love! I had the day off work because Austin had parent/teacher conferences and I decided since it was my birthday, why not. My aunt invited me to lunch at her restaurant and Norma the cook made me a huge fried ice cream to celebrate. Unfortunetly I was so full from lunch that Austin enjoyed most of it. We spent the afternoon at home just relaxing. I received flowers and cookies from some wonderful women on my Scentsy team. It meant so much to know that they thought of me and I was truly touched. That night we had supper with Jeromey's parents and his sister. It was nice, because with Jeromey gone and my mom in Indianapolis I was a little bummed. It was a welcome outing. This past Saturday I actually went out to celebrate my birthday with some friends and family. We had supper at Wildwood, which was delicious, and we stayed and listened to the live music. Oh, this weekend my thermostat also decided to quit working. It happened Saturday, but being that I had plans and it wasn't too cold out, I didn't deal with it. Sunday, I changed the batteries again, still no luck so I made the trip to a store thats as foreign to me as where Jeromey will be! Menards. I found the thermostats, picked a cheap one that looked comparable to my old one and headed home to try my luck. I guess I should mention that on the way to Menards, I had a meltdown. Poor Austin was once again witness to my tears and frustration. "Why is all this stuff going wrong when dad is gone?!" I tell ya, I didn't realize how dependent I had become on Jeromey until he was gone! And something like the thermostat which in all actuality turned out to be pretty simple, seemed like the end of the world that morning. I changed it out myself, and only had to make one phone call to my dad with a question. Phew! Now this weekend is approaching, slowly but surely. I get to see Jeromey for 4 whole days! I have never been equally excited, and filled with dread at the same time for something. I cannot wait to see my husband! He is truly my best friend and I can't wait to throw my arms around him and give him a big kiss. With that being said, the dread comes from what comes next. I am not ready to say goodbye again. I am not ready to say goodbye knowing that this is it, he's leaving the country. Once he leaves, I don't even know how long it will be before I hear from him. I don't know if I should be waiting for a letter, a phone call, an email...I have struggled with this a lot lately. Usually the feelings I've been having I would keep pretty private. I have wondered how people will judge me for my thoughts but I think its important for me to share because I know there are some dear friends getting ready to go through the same thing and I want them to know that its normal! I was assured by other military wives that yes, what I have been feeling is normal. What I'm talking about is all the unknowns that come with what we are about to go through. This weekend I have been thinking "what if this is going to be our last days together. What if it will be our last kiss, our last laugh". I know for some of you reading this you may say "you just can't think about that stuff" But you don't understand. I can't NOT think about it. Today was a really emotional day for me. I spent the day home alone before coming to work and all I did was think. There is a soldier from Iowa that was wounded by an IED (explosive device)in Afghanistan. That was on KCRG's website today. I need to stop reading the news! These types of stories affect me like they never did before. I am positive that God will watch over Jeromey and God willing he will come home safe and in one piece. If there is one thing you should know about Jeromey it is that he is VERY accident prone, but he is a survivor! So I am pretty confident that I need not worry. But I can't help it. So here I am counting down the days until I can see him, and hoping that these 4 days never end and he doesn't have to go. Please pray for Jeromey, his unit, and all the troops that are overseas. And don't forget the families because we could use prayers too.

why i wear red on Fridays

In the morning every Friday, I put my red T-shirt on,
I wait for that phone call, it usually comes round dawn.
I don't shed a tear, til we hang up the phone.
I count down the days, til you'll be coming home.
I wake the kids and feed them, send em off to school.
Then I sit and cry again, I feel like such a fool.
I pull myself together, go and get the groceries.
The neighbors, they talk "oh her husbands over seas".
I keep myself busy, I clean and clean some more,
no this isn't easy, but you're worth it of this I'm sure.
Our love, there's nothing like it, no one can compare.
Weve got something special, beautiful and rare.
A million years I'd wait, just to be in your arms. I hope its not that long, that you stay safe from harm.
I pray to God each hour, please let him return to me.
I'll go to church each Sunday, send him home and you will see
Anything it takes, feed the homeless clothe the poor
Just as long as I get to see him, walk through that front door.
I listen to old voicemails, they help ease the pain
"I love you honey, miss You. Hope the kids don't drive you insane."
I sleep with your old T-shirt, it still has your scent
For better or for worse, I guess this is what they meant.
Sometimes I start to panic, I'm unsure, I don't know how
Then I read your letters "you're amazing baby, wow"
I can feel your arms around me, and remember I am strong
I remind myself a year, really ain't that long.
I look at our wedding picture, What a happy day
And I remember why, I wear red every Friday

Only 3 weeks?!?

It's hard to believe that it has only been three weeks since Jeromey has been gone.  It sure feels like longer than that!  I have been taking it day by day and as I've already mentioned some days are a little harder than others.  I do have to admit there were 2 tough days last week.  With Jeromey gone, all our small problems or unexpected events seem to be a lot bigger.  I had some issues come up at the house.  I sent Jeromey a text to let him know what was going on as I'm freaking out and having a meltdown because I don't know what to do.  He was able to make one of the 3 phone calls I had to make to help me out.  Thank God!  I was stressing and didn't know what I was going to do. He is my best friend and is very good at helping me relax when I get stressed about something.  He called and we talked and got everything figured out.  I felt much better about the whole thing.  The more I think about it though, the more I dread the time coming up when he won't be so available.  What the heck am I going to do?!  I was expressing my concern to my aunt, and she said "easy, you'll call me".  It was then that I realized that although no one else will be able to comfort me the way my hubby does, I'm not alone. The best advice I have received thus far is "don't try and survive this alone".  So I now realize that even though its not the same, I have friends and family to rely on.  It is just so hard and you don't want to seem like a burden, and even though I know I'm not I can't help but feel that way.  Everyone has their own stuff to deal with, so sometimes its just easier to keep it to myself.  I do have to say, I am SO thankful that I got to know some other wives from Jeromey's old unit before he left. They are some amazing friends and for the ones that have been through it before, they are understanding when I am freaking out and need someone to talk to. So I know I have all the love and support I am going to need to get through and with stuff changing and things coming up I am going to need help more than ever.  I am truly blessed with amazing family AND friends who are supportive, available, and more than willing to help. 
     Jeromey is still very busy catching up on training.  I am still able to talk to him at least once a day.  That has made the last 3 weeks bearable.  He was able to have downtime to watch the Superbowl on Sunday so he was thankful for that!  I know his days start very early and his nights are pretty late so I think at the end of the month when he will have a break he is going to try and catch up on sleep!  This morning he said it was freezing up there, and since it was -5 here I'm sure it was.  I told him to stay warm because I know sometimes he has outdoor training to do.  I don't have a lot to share right now about what is going on with him because its a lot of the same, training, training and more training.  I am thrilled to wake up to his phone calls, even when they are at midnight.  I'm dreading the day when I won't be able to expect his phone calls and when they won't be daily.  That is when this is going to be the toughest I think.  I have this whole week off.  I am supposed to be on 2nd shift this week which is from 2pm-10:30pm.  My dad is watching Austin while I am on those shifts, but this week he had to go to Cincinnati for work.  I couldn't find anyone to switch shifts with me so I took vacation to stay with Austin and Alesia.  I could get used to being a stay at home mom!  :)  Dropping Austin off in the mornings, running errands during the day, lunch with girlfriends, picking him up from school.  That was what today consisted of at least.  I had lunch with a friend and it was wonderful to just sit and relax and talk for 2 hours and not have to rush off and be somewhere.  The best part is I have another lunch "date" with another friend later this week.  Again, I am so blessed with friends and family to keep me busy during this time when I would otherwise sit at home and feel sorry for myself, lol.  Hope everyone has a great week!
P.S. I just had to comment on the whole Christina Aguilera thing, personally I don't think it's that big of a deal.  I mean, as far as I'm not offended.  I can't imagine singing the National Anthem at the Superbowl! I imagine that she was all kinds of nervous, and personally under pressure I would have a hard time remembering all the lyrics, even if practiced repeatedly!  Just had to add my 2 cents to the latest celebrity gossip, lol.

Another week survived!

Well another week down folks!  And NO its not getting any easier!  Being on 2nd shift while Jeromey was gone was different because I am so used to spending the mornings with him before I go in.  I think it was Thursday that I was so emotional and on the drive to work a song came on and reminded me of him and I lost it! It wasn't even a sappy song, but it made me think of driving in the van and everytime it came on we would sing it. I try not to be so emotional but its impossible. I think I need to update this more than weekly because I can't really remember a whole lot from last week!  Jeromey was sick.  He spent 2 days in the sick hall (?) and from the sounds of it they want to give him a job there for all the time he spends there, lol. No seriously though, he was not feeling well and was vomiting.  Made me sad and wish he was home so I could take care of him! He's all better now and has been very busy. Friday I was able to leave work early since we were done making, so I met Alex for supper in Coralville.  Then Austin and I headed to Solon for game night at Brittany and Mitch's.  It was a lot of fun!  We played Yahtzee and I won the first game, did HORRIBLE the second game but I had a blast none the less. Saturday my mom and Paul came to town so I met them for lunch before heading to CR for Helen's Scentsy party!  It was a day full of driving.  After Helen's I drove to Wilton to Emma's birthday party.  Jeromey's parents had taken Matthew, Austin and Karlee to her pool party.  Then we drove to Muscatine for cupcakes and ice cream, yum!  I got to spend the evening with my mom, sisters, aunt, and cousins which was fun cause we don't do that often. Sunday I left for Minnesota to attend Scentsy Spring Sprint. I had planned this trip in December before Jeromey had received official orders.  Austin stayed with my dad while I was gone.  Yesterday I got a call from the school that Austin was sick with a low fever.  It was so overwhelming because I was out of town, Jeromey is gone, and I didn't know what to do!  I just wanted to cry.  But I called my dad and he said he could pick Austin up. The trip itself was a MUCH needed get away and came at a perfect time.  I had fun with some great ladies and we had a good time.  I made some new friends and look forward to convention in August!  We came home today and that was quite the trip!  Shortly after leaving Minneapolis we ran into a multiple car accident.  From what we can tell it looks like a snow mobile may have come off someone's trailer causing the accident.  We were glad we had stuck around the hotel to eat breakfast and missed this accident.  I drove home from North Liberty and let me tell you I have never been so glad to be home!  It is truly a blizzard out there and I don't recommend travel for anyone.  I am still hearing from Jeromey daily. He is busy from morning til late at night and that is about all I can say about that.  We are looking forward to the end of the month. We will have some time together before he leaves.  I am not looking forward to saying goodbye again, but wouldn't miss the time to spend with him for anything. It's going to be especially rough because I won't know when we will even be able to talk again.  It could be a month!  What the heck am I going to do without talking to my best friend for a whole month?  We are surviving one day at a time, as that is all we can do. Some days I'm so busy and those are the easiest.  The tough days haven't disappeared, but I just send him a text or leave him a voicemail and that helps.  He calls when he can and we just keep reminding each other that this won't be such a big deal years from now.  So yes I miss my husband, but he's worth it.

1 week down!

Well we all survived the first week, barely!  No really it went okay.  Monday was Matthew's last day with us, as he went back to live with his mother.  Since it was a paid holiday for me, I went to have lunch with Matthew at school and spent the rest of the afternoon there with him.  It was a sad day for me, but I think he was excited for a new adventure and being the new kid.  As I'm typing I am thinking "has it really only been a week?" because for me it feels like so much longer.  I am hoping this isn't going to be the norm and that only the first few weeks will be long and eventually that time will just fly by.  I did countdown the days in a planner and have a day when Jeromey should be home.  He will be home around my 30th birthday so we will have a BIG celebration!  Luckily for the time being Jeromey and I are still able to talk to each other on a daily basis.  This is making this time pretty easy for now.  I know that there will come a time when this may not be the case and when I will be waiting by the phone to hear from him.  His presence is so missed around the house.  I am currently warming Echo in my scenty warmers and using the room spray because it smells like him.  I can tell that Austin is missing his dad and brother just as much as I am.  The other day while driving in the van he said "it used to be four of us and now its only two, I miss when it was four of us".  We are keeping each other company and I am trying to make the best of this time for the two of us to bond.  Austin had a sleep over with his best friend Kobe on Friday.  Normally I would be more than happy to have time to myself, but not this time!  I was dreading sitting at home alone.  I asked my sisters and posted on facebook to ask for some company.  I ended up going to dinner with my sisters, sister in law, mother in law, and cousin in law (is that right? lol) then we went to a movie.  I am SO appreciative of them for keeping me company and keeping me busy.  I would have probably spent the night crying and moping if I would have stayed home by myself.  Saturday I ran errands and waited for Austin to be ready to come home, and of course even when I picked him up I don't think he was ready.  Today Austin had his first wrestling tournament without Dad.  Grandma Ford and my sister Alesia came along to cheer for Austin.  At the beginning of the tournament they played the National Anthem.  I do have to say, that hearing it now is a lot different than before.  Before, it didn't have much of an effect on me, but now I can say it stirs up emotions.  It has just taken on a lot more meaning to me.  I will admit that Jeromey's deployment has made me more patriotic than ever.  Austin got cold feet right before his first match today, and I'm not sure why.  He was almost in tears and told me he didn't want to wrestle.  I'm not a mom that is going to push him to do something he doesn't want to, but I also was not going to let him quit.  So I told him that because he had chose to sign up for this tournament, he was going to wrestle.  I told him he didn't have to do the next tournament if he didn't want to, but I wouldn't let him quit this one.  His first match was a tough one and he got pinned.  He was upset with himself and even said "I suck" as he was walking off the mat, but after talking to his former coach Pete, who was this kid's coach, he felt better.  Pete let him know that the other kid had over 50 matches under his belt where Austin ony had 12.  His next match was against and even tougher kid and all Austin could say before the match was "he's a 2 time state champion and he made a kid's shoulder pop out and it was so bad he had to go to the hospital".  Ausitn does have a problem with psyching himself out before a match and its something I've tried to help him with.  I couldn't help but chuckle to myself though.  Although I know the kid wasn't lying about being a 2-time state champion, I realized how just by saying that he had already defeated Austin before the match even started.  I told Austin that next time he should tell all the kids he's going to wrestle that he's a 4-time state champ.  Austin held his own against this kid and didn't get pinned, but he did get tech falled.  For those of you who don't know wrestling, that means the other kid was ahead by 15 points.  Its one team point less than a pin, so I suppose its better than getting pinned.  His third match he pinned his kid in the 3rd period!  After the 1st he could already tell that he was out wrestling his opponent, so his attitude and demeanor was a lot different than the previous two matches.  He was smiling and having fun out there.  I told Austin that we could eat wherever he wanted for dinner.  He picked the Vine, because he just loves wings.  We ended up going to Donnelly's because my sisters were going to be there watching the Steelers vs Jets game.  We had a good time and my cousins stopped by too so that was nice to see them.  All in all, we survived the first week. I'm not going to lie, I had some rough days.  I cried some, and really just felt kind of depressed at times.  But I was able to rely on my wonderful support system of friends and family and get through.  I found a cute saying "God found some of the strongest women, and paired them with Soldiers", and although I believe its true, it takes a special kind of breed to go through what we do, we wouldn't be as strong were it not for help and support.  I can't imagine living away from friends and family and having to do this.  Some women do, and I know if I had to I could do it, but I am glad to be in the situation I am in instead of that one!  Jeromey has been really busy this whole week.  I know he has some catching up to do so I think time might be flying a little faster than it is for us back home.  I do know he misses everyone terribly.  Its also VERY cold where he is.  So he is probably not enjoying any outside work he may have to do.  I am trying to be vague here because there are OPSEC (operational security) rules that we must follow.  I am new to all this but have found out that there should be no exact dates or locations.  So although previously with my countdown of time left before he was leaving was probably some kind of a violation, now that I am aware I am trying to comply.  Again, thanks so much everyone for all your support.  Don't forget about Red Fridays!  Wear red on Fridays to show support for the troops until they all come home.  Looks like I have some shopping to do.

Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic Zeros - Home (JVTP)

I just love this love song! You should look up the lyrics. "Home is wherever I'm with you"

Jeromey's poem

I had to share this real quick.  This is what Jeromey's status on facebook was shortly after he left.  Didn't know my hubby was a poet huh?  Made my day, and he is so right.  We are going to get through this because we ARE tough.
"the time has come the day is here, i know this cause we have all shed some tears. i hated pulling away and watching you cry, just remember this is NOT goodbye. This time apart is gonna be rough but we can get through this cause we ARE tough! Love you ALL!!!"

Deployment weekend...

 T-shirts we had made for Jeromey. This is the back. The front says "Supporting our Troops" with the Engineering castle on it

Yes I am BAWLING in this picture

So the last 8 days flew by of course.  We had a party for Jeromey last weekend which was a succes.  This week we were busy tying up loose ends and preparing for his deployment.  Thursday he had to report to Decorah.  My in-laws were wonderful and took the boys for the night so it was just us.  We drove up and checked in to our hotel room before he had to be at the drill hall.  About the only good thing I can say about this place was that my room was warm. We didn't do anything exciting. Just a quiet night in with pizza and tv.  That is a perfect night for us, so it was nice.  I had to drop him off early the next morning at the drill hall so he could prepare for the send off ceremony.  I had the whole morning to myself and I took full advantage!  I took my time getting ready and watched MTV all morning since we don't have cable at home.  The rest of the family arrived around 11:30 and we hurried up to get ready to head to the send off ceremony.  The minute I walked up the the Center for Faith and Life at Luther College where the ceremony was, I began to get emotional.  There was a group of what I think were Legion members holding Flags outside of the building.  It was just so overwhelming to think about what they were there for.  There were a lot more tears shed before the ceremony even started.  There were 23 of us there to show support for Jeromey. I know there were MANY more who wish they could have been there, but sent there well wishes and prayers.  The ceremony was held in an auditorium at Luther College.  The band started it off by playing as the soldiers marched in.  I cannot describe the feeling when they began to march in, and when I spotted my husband out of the group of men and women who all looked the same.  I was SO proud.  I started crying (again), I had a huge smile on my face, and I was filled with pride.  These people are doing something that not just anyone could do, they do it willingly, and without many complaints.  MY husband is one of these people.  It was a wonderful ceremony with several speakers.  I cried some more, when they read the order, when the Captain spoke about missing his children's activities, when a soldier re-enlisted and she read her oath.  I'm sure you get the picture that I cried at just about anything.  We had a nice dinner at   the "Oak Steakhouse" attached to the hotel with our family that came for the ceremony.  It was nice to sit around and relax with our loved ones.  After dinner we spent some time playing games before heading to bed.  Saturday was pretty uneventful since Jeromey had to spend the day at the unit packing and preparing for their trip.  The worst was going to bed Saturday night.  Just knowing that this was going to be the last time we would be able to sleep next to each other for a long period of time made it difficult.  We had all the boys climb in bed with us and we enjoyed some family snuggling for a little while.  I kept thinking that if I didn't go to bed, then today would never come and he wouldn't have to go.  Well that didn't work. I passed right out and sure enough, Sunday morning arrived.  I woke up at 6 when my alarm went off, and woke Jeromey up.  He had to report by 7am. I had been told that I shouldn't show up unitl 8:30 or so, so I went back to the hotel and finished getting ready. I hurried as fast as I could, because when I dropped him off I saw there were other spouses there.  I wanted to get in as much time with him as I could.  The morning consisted mostly of us following him around while he got everything ready.  The boys were in awe of Dad's gun he was carrying around.  I was trying to keep it together.  I did okay until I saw others cry.  That made it that much more difficult to hold it all in.  We stood around and took more pictures, because you can never have enough, and just waited for the time to come.  It did and let me tell you, I hated every minute of it.  Jeromey gave everyone a hug and some words of advice.  They seemed to be about the same for everyone.  Something along the lines of "Be good, and mind".  I did not want to let go of him and I held on as tight as I could, for as long as I could.  This last part was all outside in 11 degree weather.  So after 20 minutes of standing outside we were all freezing.  We stood outside and waited for the buses to pull away so we could wave one last time.  After they were all gone we went back to our cars to thaw.  I had a hard time when I finally got home this evening.  Pulling in the drive and knowing he wasn't going to be here, had me wanting to stay in the van.  I pulled it together, got out and made it in.  Getting supper for the boys and other little things kept me busy until the boys bedtime.  I got emotional once again after sending them to bed.  Its not the same sitting here alone in this big house.  Tomorrow night it will be that much more empty because Matthew is going back to his mom's.  She has decided that since Jeromey is gone, Matt should live with her and he will be transferrign schools.  I pray that this is best and that he will adjust well to not only his father being gone, but moving homes, and switching schools in the middle of the school year.  I will be an emotional basket case in the months to come but have several ideas for keeping busy.  On top of the kids, my full time job, and my Scentsy business, if there is time left I plan on taking a course for medical transcriptionist or coding, or possibly a pharmacy technician. This will be 100% paid for through a grant that is offered to military spouses.  I will be able to take this while I am still working for Proctor and Gamble because it is one of those "work from home" type programs.  I'm really excited about this because in the future I want to find a job at the University where I don't have to work 2nd shift.  So I am surviving as I knew I would.  But of course would still rather have my hubby here at home. 

8 days and counting...

So one day closer, and it is not seeming that I am getting anymore used to what is about to happen.  I keep trying to prepare myself, and tell myself that I will be ok.  Honestly I know I will be.  I know that the year will probably go faster than I think.  I also know that we will miss Jeromey terribly.  I know that some days are going to be really rough without my best friend, and that I will be an emotional wreck!  Ah, but that is who I am. I have always been a very emotional person, who can cry at the drop of a hat if I’m in the right mood.  I know when I get upset it does not make it any easier on Jeromey. (Honey, for this I apologize.  I know you hate seeing me cry, and I really do try to stay strong.)  I do want Jeromey to know that I support him 100%.  I know exactly why he is actually looking forward to this.  It is who he is!  For those of you who know Jeromey, you know what I’m talking about.  He is just one of those people that wants to help.  If there is something he can do to help someone he knows, he will do it.  It’s one of my favorite things about him.  He has a big heart.  So with that being said, I know WHY he is more than happy to serve his country.  I am very proud of him.  To leave your family, friends, and all that is home for an unknown place takes more courage than I could ever muster.  Jeromey Allen Ford, You are my hero.  You make me proud to be not only YOUR wife, but an army wife.  Thank you for all that you do, not just for me and our family but for our whole country.  Some days I break down and cry at the thought of him leaving, and some days are a little better.  Today is one of those better days where I am filled with pride at my husband’s sacrifice, and I realize that this is bigger than me.  In a couple of hours, I may feel differently.  I am on an emotional rollercoaster and all I can ask is for God to guide me, my friends and family to put up with me, and my husband to hurry home safely.

12 days and counting...

Well here we are only 12 days away from Jeromey's deployment.  I guess we never thought that this day would really come.  I know back in July when Jeromey got a call that he would be going over, I freaked out.  He was told before this would happen he had some medical things to get taken care of.  Well these things were taking forever, appoitments were cancelled, rescheduled and eventually, I just figured they forgot about him.  Ha!  Well needless to say, early December we got a phone call informing us that he had orders and would in fact be deploying.  So the last month we have been trying to prepare and have tried living by the quote from Muhammed Ali "Don't count the days, make the days count".  This has been tough, and we have reminded each other over and over to not count the days, but cherish the little moments before he leaves.  Anymore though, as "the day" draws nearer, different words seem to be stuck in my head.  "I'm gonna miss this, I'm gonna want this back.  I'm gonna wish these days, hadn't gone by so fast".  Just the other night, as we were laying in getting ready to sleep I couldn't help but realize that 2 weeks from then I will be going to bed by myself.  Those of you who are married or have been in a relationship probably understand that after falling asleep next to someone every night for so long, their absence makes it hard to sleep.  The bed seems too empty, I'm never quite as warm, I toss and turn. So this realization really made me upset.  Its the little things we take for granted everyday that seem so important now.  Kissing him goodbye this morning as I left for work had me wanting to crawl right back in bed and not leave.  I guess you could say I feel this way most mornings when I kiss him goodbye, but even more so now. So I will try my best to make these next 12 days happy, positive, and full of love and laughter.  We have a party planned for Jeromey this Saturday.  A chance for family and friends to come by, eat, have a drink, and wish Jeromey well. I know I have great family and friends for support, and I know we will survive this.  If this is the hardest thing we ever have to face as a family, well then I consider us blessed.  That doesn't make it easier, or stop me from wishing he didn't have to go.  I am lucky enough to have met some people who have done this before, and that is a comfort in itself.  If they did, well so can I!  I plan on keeping busy with work, the kids, and my Scentsy business.  Wish us well, keep in touch, check in and most importantly, keep Jeromey and the rest of the troops in your prayers.