Roughing it...

The last couple of weeks have been some rough ones!  Mother's Day weekend was just awful for me(emotionally).  For starters, I hadn't realized but that Friday had been 18 years since my grandma passed away.  I was 11 but not a day goes by that I don't miss her or think of her. I couldn't believe it had already been 18 years. It feels like just yesterday.  I still remember the morning of her passing.  My Grandma was truly an Angel on earth. There is no other woman who can compare and even though it has been 18 years it still hurts that she hasn't been here to see all that has gone on in our lives.  That Friday was also Military Spouse Appreciation Day.  Thank goodness for Facebook or I would have never known.  I had talked to Jeromey on the phone on Thursday but heard nothing Friday.  I know it seems silly now, and I know he had no clue what that Friday was, but I know that part of me had been hoping he would get online and notice and say something.  Even though I know he appreciates me, sometimes its nice just to hear it.  I am pretty sure that my other Army wives can agree when I say that it doesn't always FEEL like they appreciate what we are going through.  I understand that Jeromey is going through something I could never do.  He is "surviving" this deployment just as much as I am.  Our situations and struggles are different.  I am sure any complaining would be met with "oh yeah, because you have it so rough being back home".  Yes, I may be home.  I may have family and friends around me.  That doesn't keep me from feeling so out of touch with everyone, or from feeling like I am the only person going through this experience.  Jeromey was trained for what he is going through.  I'm sure no amount of preperation compares to the real thing, but he had some training, some warning.  What did we as spouses get? Not a whole lot!  We kind of just get thrown into this experience and are expected to get through it.  And we will! I know we will. But like I said, sometimes it just feels nice to hear that they realize how much we struggle too.  I tell Jeromey all the time I'm proud of him, and how I could never do what he does.  I was just kind of hoping that on this one day I would have been able to hear those same words back from him.  I don't blame him, or hold any hard feelings.  Heck, he's a man! :)  Don't get me wrong, I am very lucky to have a husband who is wonderful about telling me how much he loves me, that I am a good mom and a good wife.  I know that I may hear those things more than a lot of other wives.  But deployment affects your rational thinking and I was bummed not to hear from him. Saturday we were able to chat for a short time.  It wasn't one of our better chats.  We both seemed to be in bad moods, which probably comes from each of us having a bad day and expecting the other to KNOW this.  Matthew had his First Communion on Saturday. I know we all took plenty of pictures so that Jeromey would be able to see.  Sunday was Mother's Day.  I was so very lucky that Matthew and Hunter's moms shared their boys with me.  We all went to lunch with Jeromey's family.  Then we went to my uncle's house to spend some time with my family and my Dad's mom who was here from Texas.  It was a gorgeous day.  Again, I didn't hear from Jeromey.  At this point, I think anytime I wasn't around people I was crying.  The last couple of days had just been adding up.  I was in a bad mood, I was emotional, and all I wanted to do was talk to my husband.  Monday he was finally online again.  Actually, I was at work and noticed I had a missed call from a number I didn't recognize.  I checked my voicemail and it was Jeromey telling me that he couldn't find his phone card but he was calling using his credit card.  He wasn't able to get it to work so he could call back so he got online.  He asked me to go buy a phone card because he just really wanted to talk to me. I think he was having as rough of a weekend as I was. I left work to buy one and sent him the phone card information online.  He called but it was very short.  I was just happy to hear from him.  I talked to him a couple of other times last week but as of right now I haven't heard from him since Friday when he emailed and called me. Wednesday I went out to dinner and forgot my phone charger.  My phone died. If you've read any of my previous blogs, you know that this is a big deal as I almost NEVER let my phone die and if it does, I have a charger with me so I can plug it in.  The first thing I did when I got home was plug my phone in.  I had a text telling me to call my mom because she was worried.  My phone hadn't even been dead an hour.  I also had a voicemail but I assumed it was my mom who had tried calling.  About a minute after plugging my phone in and turning it back on, Jeromey called!  He had tried calling twice before so I was VERY happy that I hadn't completely missed him.  Had he called when my phone first died, he wouldn't have got a hold of me.  Missing a call from my husband is the worst feeling ever.  It isn't as big of a crisis now as it was, because he always calls more than once. Chances are if I miss it once he will be calling again within a few minutes so then I just sit and stare at my phone until it rings.  This weekend I went to Minnesota for a Yellow Ribbon event.  I think the best part for me was to be able to meet some more of the Army wives, and to talk to a group of women who know EXACTLY what I'm going through.  Sometimes, with all my different emotions and all the crying and ups and downs I start to feel like maybe I'm going crazy.  Hanging out with other Army wives makes me feel normal.  Who knows, maybe we are all crazy?  :)  Some would say we would have to be, to be married to a soldier.  I know that we wouldn't have it any other way.  I was definitely in need of this trip.  I was able to get away from everything, learn some things, and meet some new friends.  We went to the Mall of America.  I had never been before.  It was a good time.  I spoiled myself some.  We got manicures and pedicures, I bought myself an awesome Yellow Ribbon necklace, and we bought some wine and Godiva chocolate covered strawberries for a relaxing evening our last night.  I enjoyed the trip but as always I was ready to be home.  Since I haven't heard from Jeromey since Friday I am really hoping that he calls or emails me today.  I can't imagine how couples managed in the old days with snail mail.  I couldn't imagine waiting by the mailbox everyday to see if I had a letter.  Its worse now, because I check my phone every 2 minutes to see if I have an email or if he's called. "Maybe if I look at my phone now it will ring".  I'm sure you can figure out how many times that has worked.