Mixed emotions...

Its been a couple weeks since I've written anything. I had all three boys for a weekend and I really enjoyed my time with them! I picked Hunter up on Friday because I had that week off. We surprised Grandma Ford at her office and went to lunch with her. That Saturday we had lunch with Grandma and Grandpa Ford then went to a movie, one of our favorite things to do. Sunday, Austin had a wrestling tournament in West Liberty. Lately his confidence has been pretty low and he was extremely nervous. He didn't want to wrestle. I told him that if he didn't want to wrestle again after that day, that was ok with me, but because he had already said he would and we had made the commitment so I was going to make him wrestle. His first match he was winning by quite a few points, then the other kid reversed him and caught him in a tight hold and nearly pinned him! Luckily time for that period was almost up. I was praying that he would not get pinned because I KNEW that would have been the end of it! He came back and pinned that kid and his next opponent. Just the confidence boost he needed! His third match he got pinned, but he was okay with that because he knows that kid has a lot more experience than him. So it was a great and much needed weekend spent with family. Both Valentine's Day and my birthday passed in the same week. I will admit even though Jeromey and I don't do anything too big to celebrate Valentines Day, it was tough with him not here. We talked on the phone, text each other, but that wasn't the same. He was definitely missed! Jeromey's aunt Janyce had a wonderful idea of a "card shower" to show Jeromey how much he is loved on Valentine's Day. To all my friends and family who sent Jeromey a Valentine, I can tell you he truly appreciated them! Thanks Aunt Janyce! My birthday was ok. Again, not the same without him, but thanks to Facebook I felt the love! I had the day off work because Austin had parent/teacher conferences and I decided since it was my birthday, why not. My aunt invited me to lunch at her restaurant and Norma the cook made me a huge fried ice cream to celebrate. Unfortunetly I was so full from lunch that Austin enjoyed most of it. We spent the afternoon at home just relaxing. I received flowers and cookies from some wonderful women on my Scentsy team. It meant so much to know that they thought of me and I was truly touched. That night we had supper with Jeromey's parents and his sister. It was nice, because with Jeromey gone and my mom in Indianapolis I was a little bummed. It was a welcome outing. This past Saturday I actually went out to celebrate my birthday with some friends and family. We had supper at Wildwood, which was delicious, and we stayed and listened to the live music. Oh, this weekend my thermostat also decided to quit working. It happened Saturday, but being that I had plans and it wasn't too cold out, I didn't deal with it. Sunday, I changed the batteries again, still no luck so I made the trip to a store thats as foreign to me as where Jeromey will be! Menards. I found the thermostats, picked a cheap one that looked comparable to my old one and headed home to try my luck. I guess I should mention that on the way to Menards, I had a meltdown. Poor Austin was once again witness to my tears and frustration. "Why is all this stuff going wrong when dad is gone?!" I tell ya, I didn't realize how dependent I had become on Jeromey until he was gone! And something like the thermostat which in all actuality turned out to be pretty simple, seemed like the end of the world that morning. I changed it out myself, and only had to make one phone call to my dad with a question. Phew! Now this weekend is approaching, slowly but surely. I get to see Jeromey for 4 whole days! I have never been equally excited, and filled with dread at the same time for something. I cannot wait to see my husband! He is truly my best friend and I can't wait to throw my arms around him and give him a big kiss. With that being said, the dread comes from what comes next. I am not ready to say goodbye again. I am not ready to say goodbye knowing that this is it, he's leaving the country. Once he leaves, I don't even know how long it will be before I hear from him. I don't know if I should be waiting for a letter, a phone call, an email...I have struggled with this a lot lately. Usually the feelings I've been having I would keep pretty private. I have wondered how people will judge me for my thoughts but I think its important for me to share because I know there are some dear friends getting ready to go through the same thing and I want them to know that its normal! I was assured by other military wives that yes, what I have been feeling is normal. What I'm talking about is all the unknowns that come with what we are about to go through. This weekend I have been thinking "what if this is going to be our last days together. What if it will be our last kiss, our last laugh". I know for some of you reading this you may say "you just can't think about that stuff" But you don't understand. I can't NOT think about it. Today was a really emotional day for me. I spent the day home alone before coming to work and all I did was think. There is a soldier from Iowa that was wounded by an IED (explosive device)in Afghanistan. That was on KCRG's website today. I need to stop reading the news! These types of stories affect me like they never did before. I am positive that God will watch over Jeromey and God willing he will come home safe and in one piece. If there is one thing you should know about Jeromey it is that he is VERY accident prone, but he is a survivor! So I am pretty confident that I need not worry. But I can't help it. So here I am counting down the days until I can see him, and hoping that these 4 days never end and he doesn't have to go. Please pray for Jeromey, his unit, and all the troops that are overseas. And don't forget the families because we could use prayers too.