Roughing it...

The last couple of weeks have been some rough ones!  Mother's Day weekend was just awful for me(emotionally).  For starters, I hadn't realized but that Friday had been 18 years since my grandma passed away.  I was 11 but not a day goes by that I don't miss her or think of her. I couldn't believe it had already been 18 years. It feels like just yesterday.  I still remember the morning of her passing.  My Grandma was truly an Angel on earth. There is no other woman who can compare and even though it has been 18 years it still hurts that she hasn't been here to see all that has gone on in our lives.  That Friday was also Military Spouse Appreciation Day.  Thank goodness for Facebook or I would have never known.  I had talked to Jeromey on the phone on Thursday but heard nothing Friday.  I know it seems silly now, and I know he had no clue what that Friday was, but I know that part of me had been hoping he would get online and notice and say something.  Even though I know he appreciates me, sometimes its nice just to hear it.  I am pretty sure that my other Army wives can agree when I say that it doesn't always FEEL like they appreciate what we are going through.  I understand that Jeromey is going through something I could never do.  He is "surviving" this deployment just as much as I am.  Our situations and struggles are different.  I am sure any complaining would be met with "oh yeah, because you have it so rough being back home".  Yes, I may be home.  I may have family and friends around me.  That doesn't keep me from feeling so out of touch with everyone, or from feeling like I am the only person going through this experience.  Jeromey was trained for what he is going through.  I'm sure no amount of preperation compares to the real thing, but he had some training, some warning.  What did we as spouses get? Not a whole lot!  We kind of just get thrown into this experience and are expected to get through it.  And we will! I know we will. But like I said, sometimes it just feels nice to hear that they realize how much we struggle too.  I tell Jeromey all the time I'm proud of him, and how I could never do what he does.  I was just kind of hoping that on this one day I would have been able to hear those same words back from him.  I don't blame him, or hold any hard feelings.  Heck, he's a man! :)  Don't get me wrong, I am very lucky to have a husband who is wonderful about telling me how much he loves me, that I am a good mom and a good wife.  I know that I may hear those things more than a lot of other wives.  But deployment affects your rational thinking and I was bummed not to hear from him. Saturday we were able to chat for a short time.  It wasn't one of our better chats.  We both seemed to be in bad moods, which probably comes from each of us having a bad day and expecting the other to KNOW this.  Matthew had his First Communion on Saturday. I know we all took plenty of pictures so that Jeromey would be able to see.  Sunday was Mother's Day.  I was so very lucky that Matthew and Hunter's moms shared their boys with me.  We all went to lunch with Jeromey's family.  Then we went to my uncle's house to spend some time with my family and my Dad's mom who was here from Texas.  It was a gorgeous day.  Again, I didn't hear from Jeromey.  At this point, I think anytime I wasn't around people I was crying.  The last couple of days had just been adding up.  I was in a bad mood, I was emotional, and all I wanted to do was talk to my husband.  Monday he was finally online again.  Actually, I was at work and noticed I had a missed call from a number I didn't recognize.  I checked my voicemail and it was Jeromey telling me that he couldn't find his phone card but he was calling using his credit card.  He wasn't able to get it to work so he could call back so he got online.  He asked me to go buy a phone card because he just really wanted to talk to me. I think he was having as rough of a weekend as I was. I left work to buy one and sent him the phone card information online.  He called but it was very short.  I was just happy to hear from him.  I talked to him a couple of other times last week but as of right now I haven't heard from him since Friday when he emailed and called me. Wednesday I went out to dinner and forgot my phone charger.  My phone died. If you've read any of my previous blogs, you know that this is a big deal as I almost NEVER let my phone die and if it does, I have a charger with me so I can plug it in.  The first thing I did when I got home was plug my phone in.  I had a text telling me to call my mom because she was worried.  My phone hadn't even been dead an hour.  I also had a voicemail but I assumed it was my mom who had tried calling.  About a minute after plugging my phone in and turning it back on, Jeromey called!  He had tried calling twice before so I was VERY happy that I hadn't completely missed him.  Had he called when my phone first died, he wouldn't have got a hold of me.  Missing a call from my husband is the worst feeling ever.  It isn't as big of a crisis now as it was, because he always calls more than once. Chances are if I miss it once he will be calling again within a few minutes so then I just sit and stare at my phone until it rings.  This weekend I went to Minnesota for a Yellow Ribbon event.  I think the best part for me was to be able to meet some more of the Army wives, and to talk to a group of women who know EXACTLY what I'm going through.  Sometimes, with all my different emotions and all the crying and ups and downs I start to feel like maybe I'm going crazy.  Hanging out with other Army wives makes me feel normal.  Who knows, maybe we are all crazy?  :)  Some would say we would have to be, to be married to a soldier.  I know that we wouldn't have it any other way.  I was definitely in need of this trip.  I was able to get away from everything, learn some things, and meet some new friends.  We went to the Mall of America.  I had never been before.  It was a good time.  I spoiled myself some.  We got manicures and pedicures, I bought myself an awesome Yellow Ribbon necklace, and we bought some wine and Godiva chocolate covered strawberries for a relaxing evening our last night.  I enjoyed the trip but as always I was ready to be home.  Since I haven't heard from Jeromey since Friday I am really hoping that he calls or emails me today.  I can't imagine how couples managed in the old days with snail mail.  I couldn't imagine waiting by the mailbox everyday to see if I had a letter.  Its worse now, because I check my phone every 2 minutes to see if I have an email or if he's called. "Maybe if I look at my phone now it will ring".  I'm sure you can figure out how many times that has worked.

A lot to take in...

We all had a great Easter weekend.  I did realize I was having a really BAD Monday the day after Easter and I think it had to do with the fact that it was my first real holiday since Jeromey has been over seas.  On Good Friday, we all went to dinner at Applebee's.  It had been a while since we had ALL been together.  Jeromey happened to be online at that time, so I wasn't much for talking during dinner as I was too busy chatting with him on my phone through facebook.  I am always glad to chat with Jeromey and will drop just about anything to do so.  Its a little difficult to do in public sometimes though, because of the different emotions I have while chatting with him.  He may just say something that makes me miss him terribly, or we may be having a serious conversation, and my emotions want to get the better of me. I have become pretty good at keeping them under control (most of the time).  Saturday, I took Matthew and Austin with me to Burlington to attend the send of for Jeromey's original unit the 389th Engineering Company out of Middletown.  I have become close to the other wives in the FRG since last year and these are some of the people who I turn to during this difficult time.  Some of Jeromey's best friends are also in this unit still, so I really wanted to go and show our support for them.  These people are my "Army Family".  It turned out to be a beautiful day, and the attendance was quite large, so the ceremony was moved outside onto the football field.  The National Anthem never sounds the same anymore.  Many times, I get goosebumps when I hear it thinking of what it means and represents.  It is especially touching when in the presence of our troops.  I did get a little emotional, and shed some tears, but it was a not as hard as I had anticipated.  It was mostly due to the fact that all I could think was "Jeromey should be here with THESE men and women instead".  After the ceremony, we had been invited to take the boys to Fun City with some friends.  Jeromey's best friend Stuart also came along, as he had nothing better to do. I hope he had as much fun as the boys did.  I actually became more emotional (internally) being at Fun City without Jeromey than I did at the ceremony.  We have just spent so much time there together that it was strange to be there without him. Sunday we went to church with some friends, and then spent time with family for Easter.  I got to chat with Jeromey a little. He asked what we were eating.  I hate telling him, cause I feel like he's missing out.  I did hear that the Canadians are feeding them well and that they have gained a few pounds since being over, so I don't feel so guilty :)  As you are walking in to Proctor and Gamble, right by the turnstiles we have 2 newspaper stands.  One for the Press-Citizen and one for the Gazette.  That Monday after Easter as I walked in to work, splashed on the front page was the headline "Iowa Soldier Killed in Afghanistan".  Immediately my heart sank. Not a great way to start the day.  I knew that it wasn't Jeromey.  I knew it wasn't anyone in Jeromey's unit.  I knew all this, but couldn't help but feel even more worried than usual.  I was in a horrible mood all day.  That afternoon after picking Austin up from school, we headed to Iowa City.  When I miss Jeromey more than usual, I get out of the house.  Being home without him just makes it worse.  I was an emotional wreck!  After a mini breakdown, we went to dinner.  Jeromey was online this whole time so we were chatting.  Still not ready to go home after dinner, Austin and I headed out to the mall.  Another breakdown before entering.  I was just really missing him, really emotional, and REALLY wanted/needed to hear his voice.  It had been over a week since I had heard his voice.  Their phone still wasn't working.  I was getting frustrated.  I think he could tell I was having a horrible day.  Finally he said he would try something and if it worked, he would be calling me.  Well it worked!  He wasn't able to talk long at all but I finally got to hear his voice.  I just kept saying "thank you so much for calling. I really needed to hear your voice!".  My emotions did a complete 180 immediately.  I couldn't stop smiling!  It carried into the next day even.  That is the funny thing about phone calls, just one is enough to get me through a couple of rough days.  This last week we have been chatting pretty regularly, so it has been a lot better than the last week.  I think it was last Tuesday he had finally received all three of the other boxes I had mailed to him, along with a box from his sister.  It made my day to know he finally got all the goodies I had sent!  I asked what his favorite thing was and he said "everything".  So I made him pick just one thing and he said the pictures.  His only complaint, I didn't send pictures of the dog!  This past weekend was another busy weekend, but a lot of fun. 
Last night I was sitting at home doing some stuff before bed.  Austin was already asleep and I was getting some things done before turning in myself.  I was getting ready to get in bed and decided to check my facebook (which I had just checked 20 minutes prior).  I was very surprised at seeing almost everybody had a status proclaiming that Osama Bin Laden was dead.  My initial reaction was disbelief.  After all this time, and all the talk of him hiding out in caves I really thought he would just die of old age before he was found.  Not because I didn't believe in the capability of our troops but because he seemed to be some sort of Hide and Seek champion :)  But seriously, I was most certainly not expecting to hear that news at that time. It came out of no where.  I think after the surprise wore off, I immediately began to feel dread.  What does his death mean?  Is his death going to rally his followers to retaliate?  What are the repercussions of this?  If Jeromey wasn't over in Afghanistan I am pretty sure that I wouldn't have been so quick to think of these things.  I think I would have just thought that finally they had found someone who had been elusive for so long.  Now, all I could think was how this would affect my husband and our family.  I was very glad that shortly after Jeromey got online.  I knew deep down he was not in immediate danger but after the news of Bin Laden's death I just really wanted to hear from him.  I am definitely worried that this will bring extra "action" over there.  I hope and pray that I am not right.  I will continue to hope that each day is just as "boring" as the day before for Jeromey and the rest of our troops.  I read on facebook somewhere that "the most important part of Obama's speech was 'No Americans were hurt during this mission' " and I couldn't agree more.  At the very least, no more lives were lost to capture the man at the top of the FBI's most wanted list.  I have seen a varied mix of emotions on facebook about what has happened.  I personally have my own opinions and thoughts, but will keep most of them to myself.  Everyone is so quick to judge others for what they are feeling or thinking or saying.  Some people aren't American for what the feel, some people are just stupid Americans with no concience for what they feel.  All I want to say is this, your feelings are YOURS.  Whatever they may be, whether they are shared by many or none.  You have a right to be happy, angry, sad, scared, excited, proud, any or all of the above.  It doesn't make you wrong, and just because someone isn't feeling the same, it doesnt' make them wrong either.  We all have different things that are important to us, and different life experiences that define us and will dictate how we react emotionally to a situation.  So if you read a status that states an opinion different from your own, remember that that opinion more likely than not does not directly affect you.  May God bless our troops and bring them home safe.  I pray for Him to watch over each and every soldier that is deployed and away from loved ones.

Finally!

Well I finally heard from Jeromey yesterday.  Their communication tower was knocked out so he couldn't get online and as of right now he still can't call.  After dropping Austin off yesterday morning, I went home and was going to take a little nap.  I fell asleep and was woke up to the sound of my phone ringing.  I must have been dreaming about Jeromey when it rang.  I remember hearing it ring and thinking "Thats Jeromey's ringtone!".  I even had a big old smile on my face as I scrambled for my phone.  It took me a few seconds to become completely alert.  I looked at my phone and realized first of all that it wasn't Jeromey calling, and second of all that it was definitely not his ringtone.  :(  I was slightly disappointed.  Especially because it wasn't anybody I knew.  After that, I was awake and decided to start getting ready for the day.  I saw my mother in law had commented on my blog saying we were sharing the same feelings about this lack of communication.  We must REALLY think alike, because just after I had told work I wasn't going to be coming in early because I planned on inviting my mother in law out to lunch, she text me asking me what I was doing for lunch!  We had lunch and talked about Jeromey the whole time :)  Talked about how we were trying not to worry but couldn't really help it and how the waiting was driving us crazy.  I think we both needed that.  I headed in to work, and had decided I wasn't going to expect to hear from Jeromey.  I didn't want to get my hopes up.  Low and behold, I check my facebook just after two and he had poked me.  I sent him a chat message "OMG".  I was SO happy to hear from him.  He apologized even though I told him I understood.  I can just tell my mood has improved 110%. I woke up again today from a message from him and although I was disappointed he didn't have someone call and wake me at 4am our time when he was on, it still made my day.  He did say it was 115 degrees there yesterday. Yuck!  And they work with all that gear on. I hope they are all staying hydrated and as cool as possible. I'm looking forward to this weekend.  I will have all of the boys for supper with Jeromey's family tomorrow night.  Saturday I am headed to Burlington for the deployment ceremony for Jeromey's unit, the 389th.  They are deploying to Iraq.  Some of Jeromey's best friends are deploying and I am honored to be there to see them off.  Although I think it is going to be a little emotional for me!  I wouldn't miss it.  Sunday is Easter and I am really excited to spend it with some great friends in the morning and family in the afternoon.  Keep praying for our troops and thank you all so much for your words of encouragement during my panic attack :)

Sleeping with the telephone (Lyrics)

Waiting by the phone...

I remember when I was going to college and living at home, I never had a curfew but I had one rule.  I had to call by noon the next day or my mom would start looking for me.  By looking for me, she meant calling the police and hospitals to make sure I was okay.  This was back when not everyone carried cell phones; actually hardly anyone I knew really carried one.  Growing up with my mom who always assumed the worst when I didn’t answer my phone or call when I was supposed to, I knew that she wasn’t bluffing when she would begin making those phone calls at 12:01.  With this being said, I think I have inherited my mom’s paranoia and imagination for worst case scenario.  When Jeromey first arrived in Afghanistan I wasn’t expecting frequent phone calls or regular communication.  So when I went three days without hearing from him, I wasn’t panicking.  I was a little worried, and of course missing his voice, but I wasn’t EXPECTING a call.  For the last couple of weeks, Jeromey’s communication has been pretty steady.  He has even told me that his plan was to get in touch every other day.  I have described before how attached I am to my phone since he has been gone.  I carry it with me everywhere; I take a phone charger with me everywhere. Because God forbid my phone should die.  What if he tries calling?!?  I talked to Jeromey on Saturday.  He was feeling better, after having been sick the day before.  I was at a bridal shower for one of my friends I’ve known for what seems like forever!  I didn’t even hesitate when I saw it was him calling.  I got up and left the room.  My friends are used to this and lucky for me, very understanding.  Because it was so late for him, we were actually able to talk for quite a while.  I know he had said that communication was going in and out.   Jeromey should have called yesterday.  His calls usually come between 1-3pm our time which is 10:30-1:30am his time.  I started checking my phone around 1pm, so see if he had sent me a message or poked me on Facebook like he always does so I know he is online.  Nothing.  I had to be in to work at 2pm.  The last time I was on 2^nd shift, it seemed Jeromey would get online right at 2 when I was starting my shift.  I was expecting the same yesterday.  By 2:15 I was looking at my phone every few minutes.  By 3 pm I was staring at it.  My stomach felt as if I had a big lead ball sitting in it.  I keep telling myself my mantra which I learned from another wife. “No news is good news, no news is good news, no news is good news”.  Meaning if I am not hearing ANY news, then that is a good thing versus hearing bad news.  I text my friend Andrea last night and told her the situation and how I was feeling.  She assured me that everything was ok.  “His communication tower could be down, or he could have had to go on an impromptu mission”.  These were the same things I’d been telling myself.  They were only slightly more convincing coming from her.  It did help to hear her say that she knew the feeling.  I know if he could call or get online he would.  I also know that I need to just relax and no amount of worrying is going to make him available any sooner.  Deep down, I know he is ok.  He has to be.  I have just been ingrained with this sense of doom and fear that those I love the most are always in danger and if I don’t hear from them, it must mean something horrible has happened.  I am sure any of the mothers reading this know exactly what I’m talking about.  Today, I was so anxious for time to go by, thinking for sure that he would call or get online.  He would sheepishly apologize for not being able to get in touch yesterday and I would feel that sense of relief seeing his name come up on my phone.  It is now 4:30pm.  That makes it  around 2am Wednesday morning his time.  I am guessing that means no phone call today again.  That will make 3 days since I’ve talked to him. I think that is the longest we have gone so far.  I can’t explain the feeling of having your husband be somewhere, knowing he is in harms way, expecting a call from him, and it doesn’t come.  I am sure my mom can somewhat relate.  But I can’t call the police or local hospitals to make sure he is ok.  All I can do is sit and wait. And think.  And worry.  I’m not going to lie, I am pretty sick to my stomach right now.  I didn’t know if I was going to share this particular experience or not.  I don’t really talk to a lot of people about what I feel going through this sometimes.  Not because I don’t have amazing friends and family.  It is just hard to talk to someone about something when they have no idea what you are going through.  A couple of weeks back I was talking to a mother of a soldier who is also currently in Afghanistan.  He is a classmate of my sister’s.  It was nice to be able to talk to her about my worries and the different emotions we have gone through.  But I also realized, even our experiences were completely different.  Our emotions, although similar, are different.  It is hard to try and explain things to people.  You get sick of hearing “I can’t imagine what you are going through”.  You know the saying misery loves company?  You want someone who is just as miserable as you are to listen. Because they know what to say, or when not to say anything at all.  Just hearing “I know what you mean”, and knowing that “Hey, they really DO know what I mean” is a comfort in itself.  So for me, sharing this publicly without having to TALK to someone, or LISTEN to someone TRY and comfort me when they really can’t is a comfort.  Don’t get me wrong, to my friends and family that have been there for me during this.  You have made this experience so far bearable.  I am not diminishing your support in any way, or saying I don’t appreciate it.  I am not saying that you haven’t been able to make me feel better.  Because I could never thank you enough for just being there.  Please don’t stop asking how I am doing or asking questions.  Most of this is just frustration with this whole situation and sometimes it leaves me feeling so alone.  I am praying for Jeromey’s safety.  I am praying he is able to call or get online soon.  I am going crazy here.  Please God, fix whatever is keeping him from getting in touch.  About a month ago, he told me he sent me a letter.  My mailbox has been broke (until yesterday THANK YOU Ann for lending me your fiancé Shawn to fix that) for a while, so I have been picking up my mail about once a week at the post office.  I went this morning, sure that at the very least his letter would have arrived by now.  That wasn’t there either.  Now that my mailbox is fixed, I already picture myself walking down the driveway everyday, standing at the road waiting for cars to pass, walking over and opening the mailbox, and there is nothing in it.  My mood is definitely matching the weather today.  I am trying to keep my sanity.  On the inside I feel as if I am on the verge of becoming hysterical.  I did see from another wife that her husband does not have phone or internet access for a while.  I’m sure that is the same case for Jeromey and I will just have to wait.  Not patiently, but I will wait.  Keep Jeromey and his unit in your prayers.  Oh, I almost forgot, he did think they were going to be getting moved within the next couple of weeks so he has told us not to send anymore packages until he gets his next address.  I will be sure to let you know if I hear from him!

Dear MORON in Florida, thanks a lot

I got to talk to Jeromey more this last week than in the previous weeks.  Of course it is never enough but it truly is great to hear his voice.  He has been busy busy busy.  He has still not received ANY mail that has been sent to him.  As of right now, I doubt he will get anything before his birthday which is Friday.  Thanks to the moron in Florida who decided to burn the Quran, there has been protests and violence in Afghanistan.  For this reason, there are certain security measures in place that I believe will prevent any mail from being delivered to Jeromey anytime soon.  I hope that changes before Friday, but we will have to wait and see.  He has been able to get on Facebook a couple of times so we have had the chance to chat online.  He did say there was no skype on the computer and I wasn't sure if he could download it since it wasn't his computer.  It would be nice to be able to actually SEE him but I think I might have to wait a while for that.  I think of Jeromey everyday, but there are things that make me miss him a little extra.  The other day, I had Austin and Hunter and they were talking about age and birthdays.  Austin asked how old dad was and I said "He'll be turning 31 soon".  I realized that Jeromey's birthday was only six days away.  It made me really sad because I realized he has no one to celebrate his birthday with.  :(  I mean, he has fellow soldiers, and I'm sure they have established friendships.  How do they know when his birthday is?  He did tell me that he's been asked but he isn't telling.  Why not?  I asked him to PLEASE tell them, for me.  If there is the slightest chance that they will make that day a little special for him, then I want them to know when it is!  Unfortunetly I don't know anyone he is with or I would tell him myself.  All of the soldiers I know that went over with him are at different locations.  I also thought of him last night as the storm started.  Jeromey LOVES a good storm.  The worse the weather the happier he is.  I'm sure he is really missing the rain where he is.  He really isn't needing much over there right now, but his mom and I agreed that we need to start sending stuff he will need in case he doesn't have the opportunity to buy it when he is out.  He mentioned that the truck that comes with supplies showed up with basically tobacco and baby wipes.  So he didn't really have an opportunity to buy anything else.  I don't have much else to update on Jeromey.  A lot of the same in our phone calls.  Just trying to make them count and hating to say goodbye at the end.

Wonderful weekend

I do have to say that I had a great weekend and it was much needed.  To start, I was able to get off of work early on Friday evening and had supper with my dad and sisters.  I really do loathe working 2nd shift( because of the lack of family time I have those weeks), and was happy to actually spend some time with Austin Friday evening.  After supper we went to Wal-Mart to get a couple of things, then we came home and went to bed.  Saturday morning was a pretty lazy morning. I spent most of it reading Stephen King's "Under the Dome".  I was hooked! I couldn't put the darn thing down.  Then I finally started getting ready for a lunch with group of former co-workers from La Petite.  I have never worked somewhere before where I have met such wonderful and lifelong friends.  Just as I was getting ready to leave my house, I saw Jeromey was online!  I was so excited, and lucky for me my Facebook app on my phone allows me to chat with him without having to be on a computer.  More often than not, the chat on my phone doesn't work.  I'm so glad this was not one of those times.  As my friend Alex drove us to Iowa City, I spent the ride chatting with Jeromey.  Normally his time on the computer is very limited but he said no one else was waiting to get on so we were able to chat for a while.  We dropped Austin off at my sister's apartment, so she could take Austin to a movie while I had some "girl" time.  Alex and I arrived at The Atlas (where we were having lunch) a little early and decided to have a couple of drinks while we waited for everyone else to arrive.  It was nice to just sit, have some adult conversation, and relax.  All while still chatting with Jeromey.  Because of the time difference, it was pretty late for him and he was tired.  He has been working 12-16 hour days!  Poor guy.  At least he is being kept busy, so I hope that helps the time pass quickly for him.  Although I think his days all blur together because he didn't realize it was Saturday, he asked if I was working.  After he was done on the computer he called and it was great to hear his voice.  It is hard to explain the feeling of having a spouse, but only being able to talk to them every so often and for limited periods of time.  Before this deployment, Jeromey was just always there, and always available.  Even at work, we would talk on my breaks, and text each other constantly.  So we became so accustomed to just always having one another.  Now, when I want to pick up the phone and call, which I can't, or send him a text I have resorted to sending him Facebook messages.  I post on his wall daily. It makes me feel better even though it is not the same because I don't get a response.  I guess for me, these phone calls are what makes this bearable and keep me going.  He calls when he can, and we try to fit everything thats been happening into a phone call.  Of course I never remember everything, and he can't tell me ANYTHING it seems.  But we definitely have more than enough to talk about before time runs out. I know this post probably sounds so much like the others, "there is never enough time".  I am hoping that someday soon he will have the chance to Skype, because I would love to actually get to see him.  I am not holding my breath on that one though because it will probably be a while.  I have to just live by the motto my friend Andrea told me, "Hope for the best, but expect the worse".  She means in regards to how often we communicate and basically if I don't expect him to call for a week or two, then I won't be disappointed when I hear from him sooner than that.  I'm getting better at this, but it is so hard to not be a little disappointed each day I don't hear from him.  I do have to admit though, when he called earlier this week, my mood improved by ten fold and my spirits were lifted for days.  We talked for a while, I let Alex know what I wanted so she could order for me while I talked to Jeromey on the phone.  He seems to be in pretty good spirits and that makes me happy to know that.  Even thought there are a lot of things he can't tell me, he tries his best to give me an idea of whats going on but about all I know is they are building buildings over there.  I already knew that was basically what they would be doing over there so this isn't news.  Sometimes it's a little tricky because he will open up as much as he can, but its not something I really want to hear.  I am constantly worried about him as it is.  I don't want to discourage him from talking to me about stuff and opening up to me, because I am his wife and I am here to support him.  Same as he is my husband and is my support. Just because he is deployed, our relationship hasn't changed.  I need him to be there and listen to me just as much as he needs me to listen and be there for him.  Who else, if not his wife, can he confide in?  I confide in him more than any other person, and there are things that I tell Jeromey that I would never tell anyone else.  So while we always try to keep our conversation pleasant, there are times he brings things up I just really don't want to think about.  I just say "honey, right now that is not what I want to hear or talk about".  I read online that some couples keep journals, and when the journal is full, they mail it to the other spouse.  Maybe this would be a better place for him to talk to me about things I don't want to hear and same with me.  This way, if there is something stressful at home that happens, I don't have to spend our limited phone time talking about it, but I will still feel better writing about it and sharing it with him when its over and better.  I asked how he was eating, he said that the base he is on is not an American base, but the people who run it have been cooking for him.  I guess the other night they had steak!  I was sure he was pulling my leg, but he promised he wasn't....
He promised to call again as soon as he could, which is never soon enough if you ask me!  Of course there is not day or time for me to expect his call so I will continue to have my phone with me at all times.  After our conversation I went back to lunch with my friends. It really was some much needed girl time and I can't wait to do it again.  Last night Austin and I went to a wedding reception.  It was a lot of fun, and we even danced a little. If you know Austin, you know he loves to dance so he was out on the dance floor before I was!  It is always a great feeling to be surrounded by friends and family and we had a good time.  Today, I did a whole lot of nothing.  I think maybe I had too much fun at the wedding reception?  :)  I did finish my Stephen King book and am trying to decide what to ready next.  Keep praying for the men and women who leave behind the comfort of home to do something so selfless!