Mixed emotions...

Its been a couple weeks since I've written anything. I had all three boys for a weekend and I really enjoyed my time with them! I picked Hunter up on Friday because I had that week off. We surprised Grandma Ford at her office and went to lunch with her. That Saturday we had lunch with Grandma and Grandpa Ford then went to a movie, one of our favorite things to do. Sunday, Austin had a wrestling tournament in West Liberty. Lately his confidence has been pretty low and he was extremely nervous. He didn't want to wrestle. I told him that if he didn't want to wrestle again after that day, that was ok with me, but because he had already said he would and we had made the commitment so I was going to make him wrestle. His first match he was winning by quite a few points, then the other kid reversed him and caught him in a tight hold and nearly pinned him! Luckily time for that period was almost up. I was praying that he would not get pinned because I KNEW that would have been the end of it! He came back and pinned that kid and his next opponent. Just the confidence boost he needed! His third match he got pinned, but he was okay with that because he knows that kid has a lot more experience than him. So it was a great and much needed weekend spent with family. Both Valentine's Day and my birthday passed in the same week. I will admit even though Jeromey and I don't do anything too big to celebrate Valentines Day, it was tough with him not here. We talked on the phone, text each other, but that wasn't the same. He was definitely missed! Jeromey's aunt Janyce had a wonderful idea of a "card shower" to show Jeromey how much he is loved on Valentine's Day. To all my friends and family who sent Jeromey a Valentine, I can tell you he truly appreciated them! Thanks Aunt Janyce! My birthday was ok. Again, not the same without him, but thanks to Facebook I felt the love! I had the day off work because Austin had parent/teacher conferences and I decided since it was my birthday, why not. My aunt invited me to lunch at her restaurant and Norma the cook made me a huge fried ice cream to celebrate. Unfortunetly I was so full from lunch that Austin enjoyed most of it. We spent the afternoon at home just relaxing. I received flowers and cookies from some wonderful women on my Scentsy team. It meant so much to know that they thought of me and I was truly touched. That night we had supper with Jeromey's parents and his sister. It was nice, because with Jeromey gone and my mom in Indianapolis I was a little bummed. It was a welcome outing. This past Saturday I actually went out to celebrate my birthday with some friends and family. We had supper at Wildwood, which was delicious, and we stayed and listened to the live music. Oh, this weekend my thermostat also decided to quit working. It happened Saturday, but being that I had plans and it wasn't too cold out, I didn't deal with it. Sunday, I changed the batteries again, still no luck so I made the trip to a store thats as foreign to me as where Jeromey will be! Menards. I found the thermostats, picked a cheap one that looked comparable to my old one and headed home to try my luck. I guess I should mention that on the way to Menards, I had a meltdown. Poor Austin was once again witness to my tears and frustration. "Why is all this stuff going wrong when dad is gone?!" I tell ya, I didn't realize how dependent I had become on Jeromey until he was gone! And something like the thermostat which in all actuality turned out to be pretty simple, seemed like the end of the world that morning. I changed it out myself, and only had to make one phone call to my dad with a question. Phew! Now this weekend is approaching, slowly but surely. I get to see Jeromey for 4 whole days! I have never been equally excited, and filled with dread at the same time for something. I cannot wait to see my husband! He is truly my best friend and I can't wait to throw my arms around him and give him a big kiss. With that being said, the dread comes from what comes next. I am not ready to say goodbye again. I am not ready to say goodbye knowing that this is it, he's leaving the country. Once he leaves, I don't even know how long it will be before I hear from him. I don't know if I should be waiting for a letter, a phone call, an email...I have struggled with this a lot lately. Usually the feelings I've been having I would keep pretty private. I have wondered how people will judge me for my thoughts but I think its important for me to share because I know there are some dear friends getting ready to go through the same thing and I want them to know that its normal! I was assured by other military wives that yes, what I have been feeling is normal. What I'm talking about is all the unknowns that come with what we are about to go through. This weekend I have been thinking "what if this is going to be our last days together. What if it will be our last kiss, our last laugh". I know for some of you reading this you may say "you just can't think about that stuff" But you don't understand. I can't NOT think about it. Today was a really emotional day for me. I spent the day home alone before coming to work and all I did was think. There is a soldier from Iowa that was wounded by an IED (explosive device)in Afghanistan. That was on KCRG's website today. I need to stop reading the news! These types of stories affect me like they never did before. I am positive that God will watch over Jeromey and God willing he will come home safe and in one piece. If there is one thing you should know about Jeromey it is that he is VERY accident prone, but he is a survivor! So I am pretty confident that I need not worry. But I can't help it. So here I am counting down the days until I can see him, and hoping that these 4 days never end and he doesn't have to go. Please pray for Jeromey, his unit, and all the troops that are overseas. And don't forget the families because we could use prayers too.

why i wear red on Fridays

In the morning every Friday, I put my red T-shirt on,
I wait for that phone call, it usually comes round dawn.
I don't shed a tear, til we hang up the phone.
I count down the days, til you'll be coming home.
I wake the kids and feed them, send em off to school.
Then I sit and cry again, I feel like such a fool.
I pull myself together, go and get the groceries.
The neighbors, they talk "oh her husbands over seas".
I keep myself busy, I clean and clean some more,
no this isn't easy, but you're worth it of this I'm sure.
Our love, there's nothing like it, no one can compare.
Weve got something special, beautiful and rare.
A million years I'd wait, just to be in your arms. I hope its not that long, that you stay safe from harm.
I pray to God each hour, please let him return to me.
I'll go to church each Sunday, send him home and you will see
Anything it takes, feed the homeless clothe the poor
Just as long as I get to see him, walk through that front door.
I listen to old voicemails, they help ease the pain
"I love you honey, miss You. Hope the kids don't drive you insane."
I sleep with your old T-shirt, it still has your scent
For better or for worse, I guess this is what they meant.
Sometimes I start to panic, I'm unsure, I don't know how
Then I read your letters "you're amazing baby, wow"
I can feel your arms around me, and remember I am strong
I remind myself a year, really ain't that long.
I look at our wedding picture, What a happy day
And I remember why, I wear red every Friday

Only 3 weeks?!?

It's hard to believe that it has only been three weeks since Jeromey has been gone.  It sure feels like longer than that!  I have been taking it day by day and as I've already mentioned some days are a little harder than others.  I do have to admit there were 2 tough days last week.  With Jeromey gone, all our small problems or unexpected events seem to be a lot bigger.  I had some issues come up at the house.  I sent Jeromey a text to let him know what was going on as I'm freaking out and having a meltdown because I don't know what to do.  He was able to make one of the 3 phone calls I had to make to help me out.  Thank God!  I was stressing and didn't know what I was going to do. He is my best friend and is very good at helping me relax when I get stressed about something.  He called and we talked and got everything figured out.  I felt much better about the whole thing.  The more I think about it though, the more I dread the time coming up when he won't be so available.  What the heck am I going to do?!  I was expressing my concern to my aunt, and she said "easy, you'll call me".  It was then that I realized that although no one else will be able to comfort me the way my hubby does, I'm not alone. The best advice I have received thus far is "don't try and survive this alone".  So I now realize that even though its not the same, I have friends and family to rely on.  It is just so hard and you don't want to seem like a burden, and even though I know I'm not I can't help but feel that way.  Everyone has their own stuff to deal with, so sometimes its just easier to keep it to myself.  I do have to say, I am SO thankful that I got to know some other wives from Jeromey's old unit before he left. They are some amazing friends and for the ones that have been through it before, they are understanding when I am freaking out and need someone to talk to. So I know I have all the love and support I am going to need to get through and with stuff changing and things coming up I am going to need help more than ever.  I am truly blessed with amazing family AND friends who are supportive, available, and more than willing to help. 
     Jeromey is still very busy catching up on training.  I am still able to talk to him at least once a day.  That has made the last 3 weeks bearable.  He was able to have downtime to watch the Superbowl on Sunday so he was thankful for that!  I know his days start very early and his nights are pretty late so I think at the end of the month when he will have a break he is going to try and catch up on sleep!  This morning he said it was freezing up there, and since it was -5 here I'm sure it was.  I told him to stay warm because I know sometimes he has outdoor training to do.  I don't have a lot to share right now about what is going on with him because its a lot of the same, training, training and more training.  I am thrilled to wake up to his phone calls, even when they are at midnight.  I'm dreading the day when I won't be able to expect his phone calls and when they won't be daily.  That is when this is going to be the toughest I think.  I have this whole week off.  I am supposed to be on 2nd shift this week which is from 2pm-10:30pm.  My dad is watching Austin while I am on those shifts, but this week he had to go to Cincinnati for work.  I couldn't find anyone to switch shifts with me so I took vacation to stay with Austin and Alesia.  I could get used to being a stay at home mom!  :)  Dropping Austin off in the mornings, running errands during the day, lunch with girlfriends, picking him up from school.  That was what today consisted of at least.  I had lunch with a friend and it was wonderful to just sit and relax and talk for 2 hours and not have to rush off and be somewhere.  The best part is I have another lunch "date" with another friend later this week.  Again, I am so blessed with friends and family to keep me busy during this time when I would otherwise sit at home and feel sorry for myself, lol.  Hope everyone has a great week!
P.S. I just had to comment on the whole Christina Aguilera thing, personally I don't think it's that big of a deal.  I mean, as far as I'm not offended.  I can't imagine singing the National Anthem at the Superbowl! I imagine that she was all kinds of nervous, and personally under pressure I would have a hard time remembering all the lyrics, even if practiced repeatedly!  Just had to add my 2 cents to the latest celebrity gossip, lol.

Another week survived!

Well another week down folks!  And NO its not getting any easier!  Being on 2nd shift while Jeromey was gone was different because I am so used to spending the mornings with him before I go in.  I think it was Thursday that I was so emotional and on the drive to work a song came on and reminded me of him and I lost it! It wasn't even a sappy song, but it made me think of driving in the van and everytime it came on we would sing it. I try not to be so emotional but its impossible. I think I need to update this more than weekly because I can't really remember a whole lot from last week!  Jeromey was sick.  He spent 2 days in the sick hall (?) and from the sounds of it they want to give him a job there for all the time he spends there, lol. No seriously though, he was not feeling well and was vomiting.  Made me sad and wish he was home so I could take care of him! He's all better now and has been very busy. Friday I was able to leave work early since we were done making, so I met Alex for supper in Coralville.  Then Austin and I headed to Solon for game night at Brittany and Mitch's.  It was a lot of fun!  We played Yahtzee and I won the first game, did HORRIBLE the second game but I had a blast none the less. Saturday my mom and Paul came to town so I met them for lunch before heading to CR for Helen's Scentsy party!  It was a day full of driving.  After Helen's I drove to Wilton to Emma's birthday party.  Jeromey's parents had taken Matthew, Austin and Karlee to her pool party.  Then we drove to Muscatine for cupcakes and ice cream, yum!  I got to spend the evening with my mom, sisters, aunt, and cousins which was fun cause we don't do that often. Sunday I left for Minnesota to attend Scentsy Spring Sprint. I had planned this trip in December before Jeromey had received official orders.  Austin stayed with my dad while I was gone.  Yesterday I got a call from the school that Austin was sick with a low fever.  It was so overwhelming because I was out of town, Jeromey is gone, and I didn't know what to do!  I just wanted to cry.  But I called my dad and he said he could pick Austin up. The trip itself was a MUCH needed get away and came at a perfect time.  I had fun with some great ladies and we had a good time.  I made some new friends and look forward to convention in August!  We came home today and that was quite the trip!  Shortly after leaving Minneapolis we ran into a multiple car accident.  From what we can tell it looks like a snow mobile may have come off someone's trailer causing the accident.  We were glad we had stuck around the hotel to eat breakfast and missed this accident.  I drove home from North Liberty and let me tell you I have never been so glad to be home!  It is truly a blizzard out there and I don't recommend travel for anyone.  I am still hearing from Jeromey daily. He is busy from morning til late at night and that is about all I can say about that.  We are looking forward to the end of the month. We will have some time together before he leaves.  I am not looking forward to saying goodbye again, but wouldn't miss the time to spend with him for anything. It's going to be especially rough because I won't know when we will even be able to talk again.  It could be a month!  What the heck am I going to do without talking to my best friend for a whole month?  We are surviving one day at a time, as that is all we can do. Some days I'm so busy and those are the easiest.  The tough days haven't disappeared, but I just send him a text or leave him a voicemail and that helps.  He calls when he can and we just keep reminding each other that this won't be such a big deal years from now.  So yes I miss my husband, but he's worth it.